Anyone else had a sudden increase in sex drive around 40?

[40drivecrazy]

I've NC for this but have been around for years!

I'm not sure if it's peri-menapause or not but for the last 6 weeks my sex drive has gone through the roof. I've just turned 40 married with 2 young children (6 and 4) and work FT.

My DH was a bit taken aback at first (mainly young children meaning maybe every 2 weeks or so). I don't want to turn into a sex pest and honestly feel like I'm worse then a randy teenager! I'm honestly craving every day and having very x rated dreams to boot!

All my friends who are peri are the absolute opposite so I have no idea what's going on.

DH isn't complaining but also looks at me a bit quizzically.
I definitely don't want to push him away by annoying him.
I'm not on any hormonal contraception and not pregnant(DH had the snip a few years ago).

Anyone been here before or know ways to tame it down a bit?!

It’s probably hormones, I am in my 60’s and have had a few of these “occasions”, quite intense first couple of weeks, then tapered off over 6 weeks or so.

Yes, I am 39 and it is now very obvious to me (and DH) when I am ovulating as this happens to me too. Definitely wasn’t like this a few years ago…

I think the theory is that it’s your body’s attempt to get you to have one last child before it’s too late.

I do also think though that this age coincides with a lot of women finding they have a bit more energy because it’s often when their children are exiting the exhausting toddler years and reaching primary school age. I have found this stage much easier. And I find I now have more time for other things 😳

I'm definitely extra bad around ovulation but it's been near constant hence feeling like a sex pest!

The last baby theory is interesting and will have a read into if there are ways to subdue it slightly. I have zero urges or baby yearning though (and not possible thankfully!)

I thought most women would understand about changes in their libido and hormones. It baffles me how little some know about how our bodies work.

Has your husband been doing a bit more around the house, hoovering, emptying the dishwasher etc?

That usually drives women wild with sexual desire.

Yes, although later in age (we seem to have menopauses in 50s rather than 40s in my family).

The surge in libido started late 40s and lasted a few years! Not several years at the same intensity exactly but it was a pretty permanent feature . DSis was exactly the same. We both agreed it was a window into the life of a teenage boy 😬. My libido is still pretty high tbh, but not at the ‘permanent state of frustration’ levels of before. It’s much more manageable now. DH didn’t know what had hit him to start with 😂. As others have said, at a peak during ovulation but it was also pretty high at other times. It definitely coincided with other peri symptoms so pretty sure it was all down to that.

I had this - i truly believe my body was suggesting one last baby. Unfortunately I couldn’t have another baby so I just enjoyed it. Had to be mindful of not pestering the other party.

I didn’t see it as a problem; it was/is quite fun.

It is when your estrogen drops, giving your testosterone a time to shine... eventually that drops off too (but losing all the hormones is a long process).

No the opposite im late 30s and was only thinking the other day how I seem to have suddenly really lost interest is sex.

Nope, complete opposite despite HRT etc etc. Couldn’t even be remotely less interested.

Yes, my hormones went crazy in my late 40s. As pp said, like being a teenage boy. I could barely look at a vaguely attractive man without thinking about him in that way 🤣🤣 I was single at the time and it was Covid era, so I just worked out a lot and got into the best shape of my life!
I later worked out that this was my ovaries running the show and there was a last-ditch ovulation attempt going on. It's a less common but very enjoyable aspect of peri-menopause that some women experience, so enjoy it!

Nowadays I'm in a lovely relationship, mid-50s, and my sex drive remains strong but not in the teenage boy zone.
I went on HRT for hot flushes and dry skin even though blood tests suggested my estrogen was OK at the time (it's known that blood tests are unreliable for this as estrogen fluctuates throughout the day). It fixed the hot flushes and dry skin but didn't alter the libido. Intensive exercise remains the best way of managing strong feelings of any sort in my experience.

I understand libedo fluctuates with hormones especially around ovulation etc and have recognised this.

What completely has thrown me is it being like a light switch in the intensity and level.
The description like a teenage boy is very accurate!
I had spoken to multiple female friends who are either peri or menopausal who gave me a look like I had 2 heads before putting a post on here. Mainly as their experience has been the Polar opposite which made me think I was going a bit insane!

Ha no change although he already did those things along with doing school drop offs.

Now if he decided to wash down the skirting it would explain it but no such luck 😉😂

Im late 40’s & was like this around Xmas time. The teenage boy analogy is spot on. I was watching porn at 8 in the morning, it was bizarre. It calmed down after 2-3 weeks & it has happened since but not been as intense or prolonged. I’m just enjoying it.

Yes, for the last few months this definitely happens around ovulation for me. I might have scared my poor husband trying to show him my ‘sexy’ dance (I might have even grabbed his butt!). Poor man.

I think I need to work on my moves if this carries on.

Oh - I’m almost 46 BTW.

😂 I tried spontaneously doing a strip tease my husband whilst he was watching a film definitely gave me wtf is going on look!

So far he finds it amusing and quizzical in the change in momentum but will keep talking to him about it!

I had this. I will also say that at 56 and many years post-menopausal, i also have a decent libido. I think there is something about not having to worry about contraception which is very liberating.

I'm on the other side of this. DP is mid 40s, and properly hit peri-menopause a couple of years ago. Alongside the hot flushes and all the other bollocks, she also suddenly had a massive sex drive and developed the ability to orgasm (she'd never managed to have one before, either by herself or with a partner)

Prior to this, we had sex on average around 5 or 6 times a month, usually clustered around ovulation. So her being up for it pretty much every single day has been an experience!

I've always thought that I had a really high sex drive, that I'd happily have it every single day till the end of time, I just never had the chance to put that theory to the test, as all my partners have had a lower sex drive than me. Turns out when actually given the opportunity, about 3 or 4 times a week is all I need.

Largely, it's been a massively positive experience, but we have both had to learn some things. For me, I've had to learn that I don't always have to take the opportunity, I can have a night off if I want. For the first year or so I was pushing myself to have sex pretty much nightly, because I spent years not getting as much as I wanted, and who knows how long DPs newfound sex drive will last. If I don't make the most of it now, then will I regret it in the future etc.? I found myself getting slightly resentful, even though it was because I wasn't giving myself the permission to say "not tonight"

For DP's part, she's had to learn to accept rejection. Prior to this, she almost never initiated, and on the rare occasions she did, the chances of me turning her down were almost non-existent. So that's been a learning experience for her. She's also had to get in the habit of sorting herself out as well. She wasn't really one for masturbation before, she couldn't orgasm so just found it a frustrating affair.

We also seem to have a lot more assymetrical sex than before, where either I'll just get her off or she'll just get me off. I suppose it's the equivalent of going out for dinner all the time vs once a year. Because it's not a rare occurance, we're happy just having a quick dessert, rather than feeling the need to have the full three courses, because who knows when we'll have the opportunity.

Largely, I'm happy with the situation (although I wish it didn't come with all the other peri-menopause side effects, which are kicking DPs arse). DD heads off to uni in September though, so we'll have the house to ourselves, and I'm slightly worried DP is going to kill me through over-exertion!

Yes, I think one of the biggest adjustments has been for DH! I had under estimated how disorienting it would be for him. I was thinking ‘Well you’ve wanted more sex than me for years so you must be delighted with the new turn of events’ but as PP alluded to he was actually thinking ‘Why do we finally get to have loads of sex just because you’re now up for it on a daily basis?!’

Anyway we’ve talked it all through and it’s all fine. We’ve found our equilibrium with it and are very happy! Our youngest DC went off to uni just as this was all starting so I think that increased opportunity and not having half an ear out for her movements also added into the increase. I’ve had to develop a bit of a radar for DH’s energy levels because sometimes he gives me a bit of a side eye thinking ‘Seriously, you cannot be up for it again?!’ which I never had to do before. And I’ve learned to accept that he’s not always up for it and that’s ok. It’s taken a while but it has been largely positive. I’ve got several friends whose libido has disappeared altogether and I’m really thankful we’re not there. It just takes some readjustment and lots of good communication that’s all.