I need to break up with my babies father but I don’t know how, or if I where to find the strength.

[toothepastekisses]

My baby is 11 months old and during pregnancy and post partum my partner has been emotionally abusive; lying, smashing things and is an alcoholic. I need to leave him but I have no money or a home to go back to. I lost my virginity to this man and he is my first love as-well as relationship. Looking for advice and to hear from anyone that has been in a similar situation. I don’t know how I can do this by myself, I love him so much but my son comes first and I don’t want him in this environment. How do you find the strength?

This is tough but you need to get out for both your baby and your sake, before one or both of you gets hurt. Do you have any parents or other relatives nearby?
have you reported him to the police or social services?
he is not going to get better, no matter what he says and promises. alcoholics can be charming but are always self centred and like any addict looking for their next fix. The strength to do something has to be centred in the fact that this situation will only get worse.

If he is a violent drunk you need to get out with your baby asap.You risk endangering yours or your child's, safety if you stay. Do you have anyone you can turn to?If not please call Women's Aid for advice and support, they will counsel you on how to leave safely.

Please start by calling Women's Aid for advice and support. You need to find a way to leave safely. If he is drunk, aggressive and smashing things, please call 999 and ask for the police. Your safety and your baby's safety is paramount.

https://womensaid.org.uk/

You need to leave asap as neither you or your child are safe enough to be around him. Pregnancy and birth are often flashpoints for abusers to show their true colours just as he has indeed done.

Your man's primary relationship is with drink, not you and it's never been with you either. His thoughts centre around drink and where the next drink is going to come from. He remains volatile and violent. Smashing things up is an example of domestic violence.

You are likely to be mixing up love with codependency. His actions towards you are not loving ones at all. You are likely to be trauma bonded to him. This person targeted you deliberately as a young and otherwise vulnerable female to abuse. He saw something in you he can and has indeed exploited to his own ends.

Would you be able to contact Womens Aid?. They also have a chat facility and they can help you and your child escape your abuser. Your GP and the police can also help you as well, never be afraid to call them.

You can contact family anonymnous for some non judgemental support.
Do you live anywhere near the north west as cgl have some great family support services

💐 you are already finding the strength by admitting that your child comes first. Others will be along with practical advice as to how best to. You are strong enough and you must do this as soon as you can for your child - and also for you 💐

If you do leave, my best advice would be to go no contact as he will try to get in your head, either by blaming you or promising to change and most women go back especially the first time. Men like this can not change without a lot of time and work on themselves and this isn't the usual outcome. Seek support from DV services who can help you find out what you can access such as temporary accommodation, benefits etc.