Long distance

[justanotherboymum]

Can 'long' (1.5hr drive) distance relationships work if there is little hope of moving closer? As time goes on I wonder if this can work long term when neither of us can move closer (children's schools). I'm finding it hard to think there won't be a solution. Manage to see each other once or twice a week

Depends how often you see each other I guess. It is quite a distance.

Seeing each other once or twice a week is quite good for long distance. Are you able to take holidays together, birthdays, bank holidays - the things that couples who live closer to each other do without as much planning.

I imagine the logistics might get a bit tiresome but if it’s otherwise a good relationship I think it could work long term. But long distance doesn’t suit everyone and if you’re beginning to think it’s not for you and you can’t see how to improve it, it’s probably time to end it and find someone closer to home.

I tried this and before I even met I asked if he would consider moving away because I had DD, he said yes. 3 months into the relationship, when I asked again, he said no.
It is tricky with children and they need to be near their Dad. My partner at the time didnt have children.
I'd personally give it a wide berth. It would be far too complicated with children and meeting up with their other parent.
Hopefully this is not the only man who has shown interest in you and if you are moving because it is, then you need to have good think about what you are doing.

I don't think it is worth investing the time and energy.

If you are already a couple, and one has to work away or something, there might be a way to make it work, but why start a relationship when the logistics are so challenging.

I wouldn’t consider a 1.5 hour drive long distance really. I feel like if you ultimately want marriage/living together though it could pose challenges.

Thanks for the perspectives. I don't want marriage or living together until my children are grown (when I can have the freedom to move where I want so wouldn't be an issue anymore). You are right, it's not really 'long' distance but feels it at times. We can do holidays etc.

I looked into the research on this a couple of years ago. They seem to work until the crunch point on average around 14 months in, when either one person moves or it ends.

These are averages though, I'm sure there will be outlier stories either way.

I've been managing a 3.5 hour distance for 4.5 years now - no plans to move closer or in together for at least another 4-5 years. It works for us, every other weekend we manage about 3 nights, some extra in school holidays. Definitely keeps the excitement going - we love our times together but it allows us both a lot of freedom to focus on other things in our lives. Needs both of you to enjoy independence and be fully trusting of the other though.

It can definitely make spontaneity more difficult, but I think it’s more likely to work where there are no immediate plans for moving in etc. I guess if together you feel it’s worth making the effort you’ll find a way to make it work even if circumstances aren’t ideal.

My boyfriend and I live just over an hour away from each other (can be an hour and half if traffic bad!). We’ve been together 18 months and it’s working well for us. We see each other for an overnight once a week-ish on average but sometimes it’s 10 days, occasionally two weeks if we are busy. We text quite a bit in between times but not constantly.

We are both quite independent and have our own lives, work and children (I’m 51 with teens and young adults, he’s 42 with much younger children). We don’t have plans to move in together and not sure we ever will! We have lovely holidays and trips away together and it’s always fun and exciting (and the sex is incredible!) probably because we don’t ever spend long enough in each others company to get bored or irritated 😂.

Tomorrow is never promised, so we enjoy what we have right now and don’t really think about the future too much (other than booking concerts or holidays). Works for us!

If you have no plans to live together than I can’t see the issue, you see each other a lot and the distance isn’t far.