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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Missing a long-term friend after a failed friends with benefits relationship

3 replies

YesYesIDid · 08/04/2026 19:50

Met a man aged 18 when I worked in a sports club (he was 3 years older than me and played for one of the teams) we were casual acquaintances for years, he went off his way (got married, had a child, divorced) and I went mine (none of the above). But we knew each other to say hello to still. With the advent of social media we added each other and then about four years ago when he split with his ex we started messaging.... cue a long period of time where we were friends with benefits (the sex was pretty amazing but I never saw him as anything else)

He'd always wanted to turn it into something more, so towards the end of last year I finally thought what did we have to lose. Turns out a lot. We were absolutely not compatible in a relationship at all, which led to arguments and both of us saying things we didn't mean, and then him blocking me. I know it's stupid but I still miss him, even without the sex, I've lost a friend of a long time

I don't know if he's in a relationship now (he has form for getting serious very quickly) as I can't see his social media and we don't have other friends in common. I've started work in a pub recently and I just keep hoping one day he'll come in. It's a small town so who knows but to be fair he doesn't drink. I'd just like to be friends again but unfortunately I still fancy him so much (that could be the testosterone HRT talking I guess but I haven't had chance to test it out!)

I'm an idiot aren't I and I need to grow up and stop pining!

OP posts:
4u2nome · 09/04/2026 13:41

ring him and with hold your number
worst that can happen is he puts the phone down when he realises its you
or get a pay as you go SIM card and message him?

ScorpionLioness79 · 09/04/2026 14:16

Now that you crossed the line into intimacy, going back to friendship would only be disastrous to you when you finally get into a serious relationship with someone else. Same with him. AnNew partner won't be comfortable with you hanging out with an ex. It might even cause a breakup.

People who aren't happy in the present start looking to the past to find it there. But it's usually the wrong direction to go. If you're lacking any satisfying friendships, time to move forward and try to gain those connections through Meetup.com groups or hobbies or sports, etc.

YesYesIDid · 09/04/2026 14:30

ScorpionLioness79 · 09/04/2026 14:16

Now that you crossed the line into intimacy, going back to friendship would only be disastrous to you when you finally get into a serious relationship with someone else. Same with him. AnNew partner won't be comfortable with you hanging out with an ex. It might even cause a breakup.

People who aren't happy in the present start looking to the past to find it there. But it's usually the wrong direction to go. If you're lacking any satisfying friendships, time to move forward and try to gain those connections through Meetup.com groups or hobbies or sports, etc.

@ScorpionLioness79 we did the intimacy part for years without commitment, it was when we tried to turn into something more serious it fell apart. I'll be honest though, I miss the sex! Possibly something to do with finding my libido again after starting testosterone, and in the past I always had him to rely on for my 'needs' I guess!

@4u2nome I did something similar previously and asked a friend to message him asking him to unblock me, he did but then we ended up going round in the same circles as before and he blocked me again. I really don't think he wants to hear from me 😟

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