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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling

4 replies

Tealover11 · 08/04/2026 18:48

Hi guys just really wanted to vent off and just need some kind words. I recently broke up with my partner, originally I was the dumper. The reason for me dumping him was his lack of support and just going out all hours switching his phone off and leaving me having no clue where he was . He did try and win me back for 2 weeks but his efforts weren’t great and I told him I wanted to see some change as they was just words. During this time he’s done a complete 360 and has been blowing hot and cold. Blocking me and making me the problem for expecting to much.

Now here is the tricky part I am 18 weeks pregnant with his child, he doesn’t seem to really be fussed about the pregnancy( hasn’t even mentioned it) and we already have a 9 year old daughter. He is meant to have set days seeing his daughter which he doesn’t seem to be consistent with some weeks he won’t see her at all. I am not sure why I am writing this post but I am really sad , I’m pregnant I feel so alone - this baby is very much wanted my end however I feel so stuck and alone. I feel like I have been left with all parental responsibilities, and trying to cope aswell as dealing with pregnancy hormones. It’s really hard my reasons for originally finishing with him weren’t because I stopped loving him, I love him very much this is why it’s so hard. I just needed more support and help from this man and i wanted to take an action to show him that I’m not prepared to keep doing this alone. However I feel like since then it’s all got worse and I’m just in a very bad place mentally . We are both 37 and do not live together. Sorry for the long post just need a safe place to vent.

OP posts:
ThisJadeBear · 08/04/2026 19:00

Gosh @Tealover11 I just felt so sad reading your post.
You already know the answer to your own questions. This man is not committed to you, the child you already have or the one that is on the way.
You don’t live together, and he’s running around behaving like an overgrown teenager, blocking you, a limp attempt at winning you back - that should not be happening when you have a young child and a baby on the way.
I am not sure why you love him,
But you have some stark choices to make here because he is not going to step up
in any way at all. Ever.
You had your first child when you were late 20’s and he’s had time to grow up and adjust and he hasn’t.
At 37 now, you did the right thing ending it. Trust your gut. It was the only option.
Then it’s about looking at the practical side of life - do you have other support?
I know it’s really tough but you are going to have to put your thinking cap on, and take your emotional hat off.
I am sorry to say whatever he feels for you isn’t love. It is not good enough for you or your children.
If you allow him back in this will go on and on. You are young and strong enough to make a clean break and a fresh start.

Tealover11 · 08/04/2026 19:05

ThisJadeBear · 08/04/2026 19:00

Gosh @Tealover11 I just felt so sad reading your post.
You already know the answer to your own questions. This man is not committed to you, the child you already have or the one that is on the way.
You don’t live together, and he’s running around behaving like an overgrown teenager, blocking you, a limp attempt at winning you back - that should not be happening when you have a young child and a baby on the way.
I am not sure why you love him,
But you have some stark choices to make here because he is not going to step up
in any way at all. Ever.
You had your first child when you were late 20’s and he’s had time to grow up and adjust and he hasn’t.
At 37 now, you did the right thing ending it. Trust your gut. It was the only option.
Then it’s about looking at the practical side of life - do you have other support?
I know it’s really tough but you are going to have to put your thinking cap on, and take your emotional hat off.
I am sorry to say whatever he feels for you isn’t love. It is not good enough for you or your children.
If you allow him back in this will go on and on. You are young and strong enough to make a clean break and a fresh start.

Thank you , I know unfortunately I wish I didn’t love him that’s the hardest part. I find it really difficult to comprehend how someone could just walk away from their child. So sorry I know I sound like a bit of a sad case I am just really struggling at the moment.

OP posts:
ThisJadeBear · 08/04/2026 19:15

You are not a sad case. Not at all.
Moving between your 20’s and 30’s can mean huge changes - I am two decades on from you.
You have negotiated it well - you are a loving, caring mum with your own home.
The sad is someone not far off 40 who refused to grow up!
Where does he live now? Job? Lifestyle?

Channellingsophistication · 09/04/2026 15:02

But do you love him or are you just attached to him? Do you really feel love for a man who doesn't take responsibility for his DC, a man who isnt overjoyed at the thought of another child? A man who blocks you so you can't contact him and makes weak efforts to try and placate you? Not exactly your dreamboat partner/ husband... sorry to be blunt, but I can't see what there is to love about this man.

You sound like a good mum and you will be so again to the new baby, but you have to think that it's just the 3 of you now. Any interference in your life by him is only going to make you miserable. You need to teach your DD not to put up with poor treatment by men otherwise she will just look for someone when she's older just like him.

It's easy to say, I know it's hard, but you have to put yourself and the DC's first. He is not doing that.

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