Is he coming back?

[anon990]

This might sound like I’m a bit crazy and even immature but basically I met this amazing guy in 2024. He was so good to me in every way. I messed it up and broke up with him but still talked to eachother now and again, in October he wanted to see me again so we did… and then he slowly drifted away told me he couldn’t see me anymore and wasn’t happy with himself. I think im anxious attached or something because I can’t let it go? Anyways he blocked me on everything expect instagram and I’ve requested to follow him a few times he just doesn’t accept it but doesn’t block the account either? Idk it gives me some kind of hope that he might give me another chance. Please don’t be rude to me.

I'm a chap, had the same experience years ago, went out with a fantastic girl, then she had to call time due to work issues and moving away, but we kept in touch, then got together again for a few wonderful months, for whatever reason, she again decided to call time - which she was entirely in her rights to do.

For about a year after I moped, thought of her a lot, hoped she might email or message, but of course she wasn't thinking about me (which again she doesn't have to) - your mind can hold onto hope, dreams, imaginations, but that's all they are and its a waste of time, because other opportunities are passing you by.

This guy, for whatever reason just doesn't find a spark with you, that's not your fault, or his fault, just life - let it go and there will be someone else.

If he wanted to get in touch with you then he would. He clearly doesn’t as he’s blocked you.
I get plenty of insta requests and would never think to block anyone, I just ignore them or decline if I can be bothered. Currently have 81 that Ive just ignored. I am absolutely not sending any subliminal message to those 81 people by not blocking them, I just don’t want the admin of having to action them.

Learn from it and let it go.

You need to stop thinking about him and more about you.
If he was such a nice guy - why did you reject him?
You are clearly upset about the outcome but I suspect there is a backstory here about what’s happened to you in previous relationships.
You think that if this guy somehow did accept you back you could make it right - the fact is, if he did, you’d probably end up rejecting him again. People often want what they can’t have.
Take some time out from dating, get some therapy if you can, so in the future you enter a fresh relationship having a good relationship with yourself first.

What the hell? Get the hell of my post then if it bothers you

No he isn't, and him blocking you was clearly indicative of that. Pestering him with follow requests is pointless.

Why don’t you just block him?

I’m not getting it.

Because in an ideal world id want to be with him again

I'd want lots of things in an ideal world.

He doesn't want to get back with you.
He doesn't like you. He doesn't even care about you enough to bother to click accept

He quite clearly doesn't want to be with you.

I understand, but sadly he doesn't reciprocate that feeling, I think you have to accept that it's over, he clearly isn't coming back. Let it go and move on.

Your feelings are all too common, unrequited love, but no good comes of it, you are just hurting yourself.

Unfortunately he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to rekindle anything, he’s walked away and appears to have moved on.
for your own sanity you need to delete/block any contacts you have with him and try to forget about him. Stop requesting to follow him, he’s not accepting them and he’s not been in touch. You need to accept it’s ran the course and you need to move on. It might sound harsh but it’s true.

Stop pining after him.

It’s not an ideal world though and even if it were you ended things.
You have to face up to that and accept it.
Take time to reflect why you did it.
Take time out from dating and work on yourself.
Next time around - you will know better and do better.

I think you're grasping at straws. Seriously, if you think the fact that he hasn't blocked you on Instagram is a sign of romantic interest, you ought to pull yourself up and out.
He's not into you. Move on.

But you haven't got the hint that he doesn't want to be with you?

Find a new obsession op seriously he does not want to be with you and your obsession over it shows us all entirely why. Block him yourself on insta and get some therapy.

One word of advice, without wanting to sound nasty or rude, @anon990 ... Being desperate, and obsessive about someone is very off-putting for most people. That's the vast majority - I am fairly certain, he is the same, too. So if you want to avoid this in the future (not with him, that ship has sailed a long time ago, you have to let it go), then don't push it this much. There is only one thing that can make it even worse - when someone can't take a hint... I mean this with kindness, but do you honestly believe that the act of not blocking you on instagram is a hint that you have a chance? That is a very surreal form of wishful thinking. Based on that, anything could be a hint - the fact that he didn't legally change his name and have plastic surgery to get a new identity to hide from you could also be a hint. Please, do yourself a favour, get therapy and get over this person. How obsessive you acted towards him makes it a 0% chance that he would ever consider being with you again.

Totally agree with your summary - I'd add that this relationship actually had two chances, and failed both times, so even if (and I don't think its even remotely possible or sensible) a third attempt occurred it would likely fail too.

The OP is doing the classic idealisation of this man, imagining a love that simply is not there, its all smoke and mirrors, but only in the OPs mind and is doing her mental health no good.

Please leave it OP, there is no way forward for this other than bringing you more hurt.

Sweetie he’s not interested, you need to accept it, he’s not blocked you as he doesn’t care enough, I’m sorry I know it hurts, but it’s done.

I think I’m struggling so much as genuinely he was very kind and so nice to me which I never had before and struggle to believe I will get again as I haven’t had good experiences before now.

That's exactly how it was with the girl I posted about upthread, she seemed so perfect - but for whatever reason, she just didn't want to carry on - that of course makes it harder, as it is for you.

Unrequited love is awful, but has been a thing since the dawn of mankind - there really is no future in this for you, only self inflicted pain. There are other nice guys out there, but you are missing them whilst you are thinking about this, let him go, it just wasn't meant to be.

I think we all understand that, @anon990 . But just because he was genuinely nice to you, it will not overrule his present lack of interest. He cannot be any more obvious about not wanting anything from you, not now or in the future. The fact that you worry you wouldn't get the same level of 'nice' from someone else has nothing to do with him, and is not his concern either. That is a you problem, and you turning that worry into obsessing over it does you no good. That's the simple math of it.

Precisely this ⬆️