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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New relationship after emotional abuse

2 replies

keenrunner · 08/04/2026 08:32

I left a long emotionally abusive relationship over a year ago. I started online dating a bit too quickly for a confidence boost I guess but nothing serious until 3 months ago I met someone who I just click with. I've never had someone treat me so well, be so consistent and just seems to think the world of me. The first few months have been great but I think I am starting to self sabotage as I am scared about things getting a bit more serious and feeling it's too good to be true. He wants me to meet his friends and while I really want to I feel like it's making me anxious and wanting to run away. We are hoping to book a few days away in summer too and I'm just scared to even commit to that. Even though it's something I really want!

I'm 35 and no kids and we seem to want the same things. I really want to have kids in the future and I'm scared I'm going to F this up and push away a great guy because of my ex. I am trying to be honest with him and he knows about my last relationship. I have been having therapy too to try and get over the abuse. Has anyone felt similar and managed to find a way not to mess things up?

OP posts:
category12 · 08/04/2026 12:45

What are you doing that you feel will mess things up between you?

ForTipsyFinch · 08/04/2026 13:32

Why do you think you will mess things up?

You seem to have him on a pedestal with yourself positioned in a role way beneath him.

You can’t mess things up with an abusive man, nothing you do triggers the ‘turn’ - that is his true self. For a man who isn’t abusive, this part you are seeing is his true self, and he won’t have a sudden switch. It’s early days all you can do is see how it goes. And I mean this kindly but perhaps think about your perspective on relationships in general.

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