Can't shake the feelings of guilt

[Lamplight78]

Hi. I posted here three months ago after a bust-up with my then boyfriend. I got great advice here, plus some interesting perspectives. I've linked the thread just for info here

I haven't seen him since but I'm struggling with guilt over effectively having ghosted him.

I'd asked for space because I wasn't quite ready to end it. He wanted that too but we never put a time limit on it, and only spoke briefly soon after to discuss the return of my stuff.

The reason I haven't contacted him again is because I couldn't bring myself to end it for good. Also, I was worried that if I did contact him, he would say something to hurt me at a time when I am still vulnerable. I still love him and was faintly hoping he might get in touch wanting to fix things.

He hasn't. There has been no contact at all between us. So it's clear he isn't going to get in touch. He may even have someone else.

But I still feel guilty about not contacting him after asking for space because to ghost someone - that's just a really bad thing isn't it? Something that horrible people do.

I can imagine him telling his sons (who never liked me, even though I tried hard to get on with them) "Oh she ghosted me, after all I did for her," etc.

Even if I did contact him now, what would be the point of saying, "I've decided I want to be on my own but I wish you all the best, and thanks for all your help with xxxx, etc." ??

I don't really know what I'm asking for here, but I can't shake the feelings of guilt.

Send him a Christmas card next December.

You gave me a good laugh, thanks!😆

@Lamplight78 - you're blowing this out of all proportion. Don't get hung up on ghosting. It's not a really bad thing and something horrible people do. I mean - have you seen what's going on in the world? Ghosting can sometimes be a perfectly appropriate way to proceed or it can be a bit immature or insensitive but no - not something "horrible people do". Anyway, you told him you wanted space and you haven't been in touch since. That's a whole message. Forget about it and move forward now

I've just re-read your original thread (began posting before doing that): he wasn't a good or kind partner. It's great that you're no longer with him. Why on earth are you feeling guilty?

That's a very good question. Thank you for pointing out how ridiculous I'm being. (my words not yours!)

I don't know why I feel guilty - maybe it's a Catholic thing? Maybe because I felt quite downtrodden in the relationship.

It really helps to have it reinforced that he was not a good or kind partner. Honestly, your comment has really helped me because, as silly as it sounds, I have been feeling guilty about it.

Probably because he took me on a trip abroad for my birthday a month before our bust up (but only for a long weekend in eastern Europe, not a luxury holiday in the Maldives or anything!)

the saying goes… People come into your life for 3 reasons. You need them, they need you or you need each other. When the need is gone so are they. Do not feel guilty draw a line under it. Delete the number/pictures ect, move forward don’t look back.

He said he wanted space too and hasn't contacted you either, so surely thats mutual and not you "ghosting" him?

You both clearly don't want to continue the relationship, no need to rock the boat and make contact when you'd be risking a mouthful of nastiness in return.

But you haven't ghosted him! You told him you needed space and he hasn't contacted you since you collected all your stuff. It is only ghosting if he tries to get in touch and you ignore him. It sounds as if you are best off without him.

Thanks peeps. It means a lot.💐