As the title says. I'm feeling quite overwhelmed before we've even started and need an independent eye or two on this.
How do you merge two households where both are homeowners, need to buy somewhere new, but the situation and initial budgets are so different?
Background: DP has no children, I have 2 (one at university, so still needs a place to stay, and there is a big age gap between first and second).
He bought his house a long time ago, it has significantly increased in value and he has almost paid it off. It is worth close to double what mine is worth.
I bought after my divorce a few years back and my ex left me with barely anything to my name. It wasn't fair, but I did not have the energy for a drawn-out legal fight. I rented for a while, then (when the rental market was threatening collapse to the state it is in now) bought a shitty doer-upper for the security it brought. So I have far less equity in my house than he has in his.
We are now looking to buy together. Renting together first is not an option (the current market, the fact I'm bound to local schools, the decline in our capital), neither is renting either of our houses out due to the recent changes in legislation. Neither of us have the time to invest in being a small landlord. We have spent long enough in prolonged company with each other to know it works.
For mine and my children's security, I won't accept any less than a 50% share of the house. I know that this will mean he will pay off his share very quickly, if not instantly, and I will still be paying my share of the mortgage off. It will limit my day-to-day spending more than his, but that would not have been any different if we both stayed apart. I will earn more than him soon by about 7k, but won't see much of an increase in day to day money due to deductions.
So here are my questions:
How does this practically work? Neither of us have ever sold a house, let alone two while buying at the same time. Talk me through actual steps in this situation like I'm completely clueless (I am).
How will this likely impact us day to day? We're both adamant that bills will remain 50/50 split. That will end off with him likely worse off, but he will have more money available as he will not have a mortgage. Can this even work? I'm worried I will resent him, even though it is not his fault he happened to have bought years before I did.
I have had to rebuild my life several times before, from nothing. Part of me is very scared for that reason, even though this is by far the best relationship I've ever had and the man is, while not perfect, everything I can ask for in a partner.