How old would you go with dating?

[Thegrassroots26]

This seems somewhat moot given the dating climate, and maybe could be seen as shallow, but how old a man would you go when dating as a woman? I’m early 40s and usually look similar decade or younger.

Now my kids are older and late teens I’m starting to really question if I’d want to date anyone with younger kids given I’m through that stage. Is this also very shallow?! As I say my love life is a barren desert so it’s all hypothetical at this point. Thoughts and experiences welcome and would be interested to hear.

I’m married but when talking with my friends about this we had always sort of said we’d probably go to about 10 years older but no more than 5 years younger. However as I get older and having spoken to some other women I know who did go 10 years older I would say my mind has changed. 10 years doesn’t seem a lot at say 30 and 40 but at 50 and 60 when one is near retirement and the other has another 10 years to work while the other sits at home… that gap is big. 10 years of going out to work while partner sits at home… Equally a colleague has found that her 9 year age gap feels much bigger now that her partner is 66, she often comments that since he retired plus some health issues (just normal with age ones and nothing that can be sorted really) and growing tiredness she now feels he acts more like 76, their gap feels bigger than ever.

I’m 50 and if I date now it will only be for fun, I would have no plans to live with a man ever again. So with that in mind, whatever age you fancy! I would see a relationship now as more disposable, so could go older, as I’d just end it if it wasn’t working any more. It isn’t shallow at all to not want young kids about in your free time, it’s honest, and actually better for the children if people who aren’t interested in them don’t date their father.

If I was single my rule would be no more than 10 years older or 10 years younger.

10 years older maximum, i wouldn’t date a younger person unless it was a few months difference. Someone I know is 30 and dating a 19 year old though which gave me the ick.

I was 45 when I divorced. My kids were close to leaving the nest, so I had a lot of free time to date and wanted the same in a man. I recall not willing to date a guy who had a 5 year old who he would have every weekend and every Wednesday. Didn't work for me, and no that's not shallow to set a rule for yourself about who you will date. Just as you could rule out a workaholic which would also leave little time to be a good lifetime companion.

Sometimes you can set an age range you'd feel comfortable with, but in practice, you might end up tweaking that as I did. I had decided that 7 years in either direction would be good, but it didn't work. When I dated men around 7 years older, either they'd lied about their age and were older, or they didn't take care of themselves. When I went on dates with someone around 7 years youngers, I felt that if we'd stayed together, I didn't have the confidence and would be worrying about me aging more rapidly and I didn't like that. Some people are more relaxed and that wouldn't bother them.

I ended up remarrying, and it was a guy 3 years younger. I like that gap, as we have a similar taste in music, we're getting wrinkles, etc. around the same time, etc. Anyway, good luck to you.

If I got divorced tomorrow I would not date anyone with children. That may sound hypocritical considering I would have two (teen and adult) dc of my own but I’m just not interested in the whole being a step mum thing. Not for me. And it wasn’t when I did online date and met now dh 16 years ago. That’s the beauty of dating, you can pick whoever you like (as long as they like you too!) and whatever suits you. I wouldn’t date anyone older than my own age really (45), I find older men like a completely different breed compared to younger men attitude wise etc. My dh is mid 30s.

I’m 46 I would go 10 years younger but only 5 years older, preferably younger.

Well it is totally moot, as I chose not to date post divorce - we separated when I was 34 and I'm now early 50s. However, if I were to date, it wouldn't be anyone older than me, that feels a bit gross.

At 40 I would only go 5 years older, I would be worried about the fitness and propensity for illness for some 10 years older. I mean if the relationship has legs and goes on I would really want to be saddled with a man in their 70s whilst I am still working.

I believe everyone has a right to have preferences. It is perfectly fine to not want to date someone with kids. I think everything goes when it comes to preferences, as long as there are no tricks and lies involved. Only men who are a certain height? Men of a certain age? Only blue-eyed men? Men who are ripped? It is all perfectly fine... Don't feel any kind of doubt or pressure on this front, or how that might seem for people - who cares? And they have their own preferences. Some can be rather particular or general, it doesn't matter. For example, I know one of my big things would be a question of smoking. I could never be with a woman who smokes. Even causally.

I'm 36, and i'd date anywhere from 30-42, so 6ish years either way. Kids at all is a no for me.

I've met someone now but when I was dating last summer I went 3 years younger and 10 years older (I'm late 40s). Though I ended up going on a few dates with someone who was at the top end of that and reduced it down to only 5 years older as he was starting to lose some "get up and go" and I wanted someone who still didn't mind going into cities and busy places etc as I like doing that and didnt want someone who only craved the quiet life. It may have been him of course but he hadn't been like that when younger so I think it was an age thing.

Age of kids did become a major factor and also their living situation. I quite quickly realised I needed someone whose kids were a similar age/older and also someone who didn't live with their parents or ex. Was quite a few people living like that still.

The downside of there being an age gap, is that while the older man might be able to match your energy levels now, the gap is likely to feel wider as time goes on.

If you think ahead, in 10 years time, 20 years time, you could still be fit and well, but will an older partner be? You're more likely to still be working while he's retired, or end up his carer or widow while still relatively young.

Obviously there's no guarantees about sudden death or life-changing illness whoever you are, but age doesn't come alone, as they say.

I'm not sure I'd deliberately look older.

I very unexpectedly fell in love in my forties with a man twenty years older, we’ve had ten joyous years together and I hope every day for more to come. After three failed relationships with men who were actually useless/nasty, the happiness and contentment we have had together have been so lovely.
You never know what life will throw at you, so I’d say simply be open to possibility.