Frustration and desperation - should I go now or wait for the children to leave home first?

[HalfAGlass]

My husband is caring less and less how he behaves, and it's driving me away. I no longer want to go away anywhere with him because I'm on eggshells the whole time waiting for him to find fault loudly and furiously with me, with our children, or with just about anyone or anything, really. Earlier today I took my family, him and our two girls, to do an escape room - he was bullish and demanded everyone do it his way, which spoiled the fun atmosphere - and he wasn't even right about how to solve the puzzle. Then afterwards he got hangry and when we were seated in TGI Fridays next to a family with rowdy small people, he demanded to me that we move tables - I suggested he swap with me since I was on the end and nobody behind me, and he just lost it and started thumping up and down on his seat mimicking the child behind, but with his 130kg it was only a few thumps until the bench broke. Nearby families looked on in utter shock, and all I could do was apologise to them about him, and usher the girls out of the restaurant. Apparently now it's all my fault because I refused to move tables (untrue, he never gave me a second to react before his violent outburst). And it's my fault and I'm a bitch for taking easter eggs for the children over to my sister's yesterday but not one for him(!) (Or for any other adult, by the way. And I didn't take eggs, I took some easter craft to occupy the children while my sister was cooking dinner). Basically I feel like I have 3 kids and one's a toddler I'd need to call SuperNanny for. And our actual children are teenagers, and they are really fed up with him as well. And he blames me for this, saying I badmouth him, but they are actually THERE, they see it all first hand. Do you think I ought to try and stick it out until the girls leave home in 1.5 and 3.5 years' time, or go through what'll undoubtedly be the most stressful situation ever and divorce him during their gcse and a-level years? I'd love to ask what I ought to do to try and fix it, but he's shown me these colours SO many times now that I'm not holding my breath for him ever to change or grow up.

Once you are certain in your heart that you don't want anything to do with this person, the only real solution is removing yourself from the relationship, @HalfAGlass . If communication, working on it together can't work because he is that bad, and unwilling, or even if he was but you are past the line of having affection towards him, end the marriage. One of the biggest misconceptions of married life is that you "have to" stick with your spouse you don't want to be with anymore for the kids. You are not doing them any favours. They will grow up in an environment where mom and dad don't love each other.. Kids are not dumb, they absorb their environment. And the least thing you want is your children to normalise such a dysfunctional relationship in them, later on in life potentially replicating the setup themselves, or worse.

Ask yourself this - what would you tell your adult children in the future if they were in a situation like that? Pretty sure you wouldn't suggest they should ride it out.

You've already raised your kids to overlook and rugsweep asshole behaviour. You've normalized this.

Leave now and you show them that you don't have to stay with an utter asshole. They won't thank you for staying.

Do your girls a favour and get them away from this man. Few kids leave at 18 now, you could be stuck there for years and your girls will not thank you for it.

Leave before they internalise this behaviour as normal and start getting boyfriends with the same issues.

Just leave now
Your girls will respect you more.

Just leave. It will be calmer and more peaceful for your daughters to study without the stress of him and his outbursts in the mix.

Leave him asap. You are married to him and so have rights in law. Exercise those now fully.

Teach your children better lessons about relationships as a result of leaving him. Staying for the sake if the children helps no one least of all the kids who are already fed up with him. And whose sake would you be staying for because it could be argued it’s not theirs but yours because it’s somehow “easier.”. Exams are no reason to stay with him either.

Did you grow up seeing similar yourself halfaglass?.

Sadly, it will be far too late for that. Still better late than never.