How can I repair things with my mum and sister?

[speakinghonestly]

I'm posting for advice on repairing a family relationship. I have been told by my DM I acted very unreasonably when I temporarily went low contact in November last year.

I was pregnant at the same time as dsis, I was 8 weeks ahead. I suffered a late loss. Immediately I felt panic at Dsis pregnancy and asked that when her baby was born to please not send me a photo as it felt like it would hurt too much to just have that unannounced. DM sais Dsis was hurt and that they thought I needed space so it went low contact . As a result I felt unsupported. I know I need to try and repair these relationships but I don’t even know where to start ?

So at your lowest point they went low contact?
im not sure I would be looking to repair this unless they acknowledge this hurt

I'm no expert but it sounds like they thought the support you needed at the time was space but they misread the situation. It also sounds like you all want to repair the relationship. Can you be honest with them as it sounds like they are trying to be honest with you?

Yes they suggested it , I agreed as was so anxious just not to get newborn photos as it would have hurt as it was so raw. Then it just carried on.

It’s the carrying on which is odd
if you can have the conversation with them I would
I don’t see any reason to have continued with low contact after the initial timings - did they misunderstand something?

I did say at the time I just didn’t want to have any surprises like a scan photo or a newborn photo when their baby arrived that could mine just be a text. I said I’d take myself out of the WhatsApp family group as well just in case . I did explain to them that it would just feel like too much .

DM said that they assumed I didn’t want to see dsis baby at all, and that I’d made her feel guilty.

This is a hard one as I’ve been on both sides and both sides hurt.
I suffered two losses and had awful things said to me, I’ve never forgotten those comments.
I then was pregnant with my eldest whilst someone else sadly lost their baby and I was literally told not to mention my pregnancy, to shut up, don’t draw attention to it. I was devastated I couldn’t finally celebrate my healthy pregnancy.

I think if you want to mend the relationship, I’d deal with your sister first. You must acknowledge both of your pain. If they didn’t support you, they must sincerely apologise for that. Equally I do feel there should be some apology from you in telling your sister not to share her news with you about the arrival of her baby. She would have felt stuck between wanting to share her wonderful news with her sister (you) and also not causing you more pain.

I hope you’re okay and I hope you don’t take any malice from what I’ve put.

I did say just no photos to be sent to me a text announcement was ok and that I removed myself from the family group as she would want to post photos on there.

I don’t take any malice at all I’m very grateful for the reply as I’m feeling so confused as to how to move forwards 🙁

Is she still pregnant now? How would you feel being around her now?
I’d only approach her if you’re absolutely confident in being with her while she happily talks about her baby.
If so, she may well be so relieved to just have her sister back.
Then deal with your Mum somehow making things worse after.

No she had her baby in late Jan but didn’t even send a text I only found out in March

Is your sister closer to your mum than you are? I'm trying to understand the dynamics.

Are they avoidant about "difficult feelings"? If so they may be cowardly and LC because they don't know how to deal with you and the longer it has gone on the harder it is to "get back to normal"?

I've experienced similar except I was the pregnant one and my sister was the upset one (very sensitive) and they all went LC with me "so she wouldn't be more upset". It's a tough time for the person who ends up being shut out and I do sympathise.