Should I leave after repeated social media boundary breaches in marriage?

[Unsure1012]

What do you do when your husband is caught searching and viewing TikTok videos of an employee in July, while on holidays (can imagine what he was doing to said videos), spoken to, and told it is hurtful and disrespectful and please don’t do it again. All the while, underlying feelings of not feeling appreciated and wanted because there is zero date nights, zero one on one. Come January, a gut feeling so a check of the phone and numerous searches, and views of the same person. Never mind the random women’s pages with all the videos on the pages watched. So marriage on an absolute thread. Swearing’s of date nights once a month, TikTok deleted. One date night happening at the end of January, nothing since. Then it’s April and he must be having withdrawals of perving on people cus once a pretty girl follows the instagram page he instantly follows back. On a Saturday night at midnight. Bearing in mind there’s 500 people not followed back up to this point so the explanation of I just wanted to see who it was means nothing. And when you look at the watch history in instagram, maybe 10-15 reels of a random woman watched, a similar pattern to what was happening on tik tok before. Again bearing in mind maybe 15 out of the 21 years together, pleading for one on one relationship time from my side and zero action or consistency beyond maybe a knee jerk reaction to a fight of him booking something but nothing again until the next fight, if even then. Am I wrong in wanting to just leave it be and move on?

You're not wrong. It's gross lechy behaviour over, I'm assuming, some very young women.

"Again bearing in mind maybe 15 out of the 21 years together, pleading for one on one relationship time from my side and zero action or consistency" this would be the bigger issue I would be leaving over though.

of course the only option is leaving this relationship.

You can leave at any time and for any reason. A relationship is supposed to make you feel respected and cherished. Life is so damn short, choose to value yourself.

The moral of this story? Don't snoop on your partner's phone.

Yeah. Don’t snoop on their phone so you never know what a lechy creep they really are.

What's that supposed to mean?

Why do some pp on MN think a woman should live with all sorts of creepy behaviour, put up with all sorts of unacceptable stuff from their OH , but the minute they look at their OH phone to find out what is going on THEY immediately are the one in the wrong?

Absolutely crazy.

This poster probably has nasty shit on their phone they don’t want their partner to know about.

🙄 No one has the right to snoop on anyone who else’s phone. It’s my private space and would hate someone else to go through it and look at my google search history or notes that I store about random and very personal thoughts (although all my secret boyfriends are safely hidden from my husband on locked chats on WhatsApp 🙄😂).

OP, you can leave if you’re unhappy. Can you see this getting better?

I think that if he doesn't want to spend any one on one time with you then that tells you how he feels about you. Without you being for years

The social media stuff is just an added extra

The instagram account is a shared work one so I wasn’t snooping on that, he just had zero foresight that a notification would come to say the follow request was accepted. Yes I did pick up his phone in January and looked at it, I had a gut feeling that made me do it, following on from his stupidity in July where he fell asleep with his phone in his hand and a video playing over and over of this person that woke me up. I was proven right anyway with my snooping so I can’t actually be sorry for it.

Regardless, our phones have to be open access as we work together and we sometimes need access to items that may be on the others phone. Similar with the pc and laptop, separate personal profiles but unlimited access because of work. I’ve never felt the need to snoop on anything that I didn’t need access to for work purposes in all the years.

He gives so little thought to hiding anything or doing anything that it’s probably a sign in itself that he doesn’t actually care what I’ll find.

I’ve told him it’s over anyway. We’ll figure things out and be civil and amicable but I can’t continue feeling this way. He’s very sad, contrite and begging for another chance. But we’ve had the same conversation a million times of sorry for taking you for granted and all that and nothings changed. He’s not a bad man but I’d rather be on my own than feeling like this.

Wow. All power to you, op. Well done.

Let him cry and beg.

Yep don’t beg it op. You deserve better. He’s a grubby lech and always will be.