Long time lurker, first time poster. I am childless myself (not by choice) but DH has one adult child and an ex stepchild (relevant for this post). We live in a rural area in the UK, to which he located years ago (with his then partner) to be near his adult stepchild and their family. For several reasons, I (42F) have failed to get a job in the area for what is now the 6th year. DH (59M) is retired. The lack of financial independence is driving me absolutely mad and the feelings of uselessness are debilitating to such a degree that I need therapy just to get through the week. I have a few dear friends in the area but I'd be happy visiting them if I move away.
DH's view is very different. He needs to be near his ex stepchild's ex so that he can see his ex-step-grandchildren (he is on bad terms with his ex-stepchild, so he sees the kids via their ex). While they are adorable kids, the fierceness with which he defends his position surprises me, especially as he only sees them for an hour or two about once every couple of weeks despite being within walking distance. You'd think, for instance, we could drive over for a visit once every few weeks if we live somewhere less remote, even if it's only a few hours away, but no.
I moved overseas to live with him, which was a sacrifice I should not have made. I was unprepared for how the finances game would change and how rigid (if I may say so) his view about where to live became - he was open to many more options a few years ago and I made the mistake of "giving it a few years" to see if I could take root in the area he prefers. I should, in hindsight, have put my foot down and stated my preference back then when he was more flexible about things and I should not have given up my career for him, but I was not aware I would be unable to continue in the same line of work at all here.
Earlier today I tried discussing the matter with him, but this led to him giving me the silent treatment as soon as things got more emotional. I feel very alone in this situation and am wondering if anyone went through a similar thing and how to solve it without sacrificing the relationship if possible, though I am also aware there may be a few red flags here and there, probably from both sides, and I am unsure what to do about it all.