This is my first time posting. I’m in a relatively new relationship, we have been together for 2 years and lived together for nearly 1 year. Our first year together was amazing and we decided quickly to crack on and make it more official with her moving in with me.
She moved here which is about 1hr15 from her home town. She moved her son’s school to be local to here but kept her job which she commutes to 3 times a week.
She moved in with myself and my own kids who are pretty independent as one is in college, one is just finishing high school and the youngest is in her second year of high school.
My issue is that my partner gets angry very quickly and over small things. Recently is was because we were packing after being away and I moved her wash bag to the car. This creates tension. I respond calmly but she always escalates it. It inevitably ends up in an argument and tbh I’m just exhausted.
When it’s great we are perfect, but you never know what will flare it. She’s incredibly neat and tidy and I think living with teenagers has been a shock. She is always going on about cups being left out and shoes not on the rack. If you ask the kids they move it but they don’t always do it by default. I don’t let them get away with it but it can be like banging your head against a brick wall sometimes but she seems to think my teens are unusual and that I should just lay down the law. I have a great relationship with my kids, they care, do nice things and are thoughtful, but they’re not perfect.
We had a huge row recently and it nearly ended us. She came and was full of tension but for no apparent reason, I went quiet because I don’t like the confrontation and was told it’s my fault because I was ‘like a moody teenager’. This is why she became angry.
She’s now admitted that she is struggling to control her anger. Recently we have had slamming doors and raging in the shower (I could hear her) because I couldn’t decide what to do on my birthday. She’s 49 and I think in menopause but not on any medication.
I just feel at a loss. I pull my weight in the relationship, I work very hard at work and I’m the main bread winner in the household. She pays £500 towards food and I cover the rest. She hates me being away from her and as a result I hardly see my friends. If I plan to see them it has to have a time limit.
I want to make this work but I’m struggling. Has anyone survived menopausal anger?