Survivors of family estrangements, any tips?

[Onemoretimeround]

Hello, I'm just dropping in here to post a little message of loneliness this Easter weekend. To cut a very long story short, I'm 47. I've lost both parents. My brother doesn't talk to me, and I don't have children. I have a partner, and he's lovely, but I still find these times of year extremely hard. What little family I did have has fallen apart in the last few years, and it's extremely toxic. I've stepped away from the few people who I did still have contact with (an aunt and uncle who weren't kind). Survivors of family estrangements, do you have any counsellors or therapists or books you would recommend please that might help? I do everything else I can. I have a very full career, loads of friends and pets, but that doesn't stop these feelings creeping in during holiday periods. I just want a bit of extra help to stop the spiral. Thank you.

Get yourself over to the Stately Homes thread here on the Relationships board. You'll find yourself in the company of lot of people who are sadly in the same situation as yourself. Take care 💐

I'm sorry. In a nearly similar position and you're doing all the right things to help yourself, but I don't have any answers any more. 'All the right things' don't alter that it's just wretched to not have a family background any more.

Having to tear up your roots means you avoid the destructive side if family life, but it leaves you floating around not belonging and everyone wants to feel that they belong!

Sorry. Not very cheering. Maybe give yourself time each day to allow these feelings, and then count the good things that you do have. It does help over time.

Invest more in good times with your partner.

Totally get it.
I have had counselling as I lost both my parents and like yours, family fell apart.
It was awful at the time.
I now celebrate having piece, and that the people in my life are people I have chosen, who want to be there.
A friend has gone through some awful times recently with family issues and I remind myself that I’m lucky that will never be me.
Also, I know my parents would want me to be happy, so I feel it’s almost honourable to be as content as I can be.
I do miss them both, but it’s a new phase in life now.

I grew up in the care system, very abusive mother, absent father who I only met a handful of times. Unstable wider family environment etc etc. I haven’t seen any of them for years I’ve long accepted them for they are.

I don’t have any recommendations for self help books etc, but I just wanted to say that even though I haven’t known anything else I still feel isolated during holidays or occasions. I think that is normal - the focus is on family so when you don’t have that for whatever reason you feel it more deeply.