Is it weird to keep your wedding dress if you're divorced?

[SofiaJessica4]

Following my last post about keeping old letters or mementos of past relationships, I'm wondering if it's wrong to keep one's wedding dress after a divorce.

I got divorced years ago and still have my dress in the attic. My wedding shoes and bag I dyed bright pink and repurposed. I kept the dress as it is a memory of a happy time, I felt amazing in it, and it's reminder of the good in my marriage, and of how my divorce helped me grow into the person I am now. I don't feel any attachment otherwise.

A recent ex suggested keeping the dress is a sign of an emotional tether to my marriage. I'm quite 'woo woo' and I'm now wondering if keeping it acts as some kind of energetic tie, although I haven't felt that it does. Have you kept your dress? Do you think it's weird to keep it post divorce? Would it upset you if a partner kept it in the attic?!

I threw out the few letters and cards from previous partners I'd kept after my recent ex made those comments, and I do kind of regret it. I'm quite sentimental and I liked the idea of keeping the memory, albeit in a box in a corner out of the way. I feel the same with the dress

You can’t eliminate past happiness from your life, thank goodness. I still have a cushion cover made from the outfit from my first wedding. I have zero emotional tie to that marriage but it was a beautiful fabric and a happy day. As long as you don’t insist all visitors look at your dress and your wedding video, it’s fine!

I’m in the process of ending my second marriage… I LOVE my wedding dress (ivory cocktail dress with a bardot neckline)….. I’m not parting with it, I’ll wear it again (although NOT as a wedding dress!)
The divorce doesn’t ‘taint’ it for me in the slightest

I got rid of my wedding dress, put it in the textile recycling bin at the supermarket. I felt nothing for it, feel nothing for my marriage ending (maybe feeling free 🤷🏼‍♀️) but to me it was a burden, taking up space. I felt like I HAD to keep it whilst I was (unhappily) married but as soon as that marriage ended (not yet divorced) then I got rid. If you want to keep it then do, but only you know how you feel about it.

I think you should sell it to clear up space. But if it makes you happy to wear it and feel like a princess every so often wear it. Or tell your new partner to marry you and get an even nicer new wedding dress!

I don’t recommend this! Give to a charity shop at least! Simone will either want to wear it for their own wedding, or buy for a costume

I looked amazing in my wedding dress. It was a happy day. I kept it.

Unless you're wearing it like Miss Haversham, I don't see a problem. 😂

I didn't have a big wedding so my wedding dress wasn't anything elaborate, and I don't have the ego to think I look amazing in anything, but I loved my wedding outfit and I kept it for many years. Even after I married for a second time. Despite the unhappiness of the relationship with my first H the wedding day was a wonderful happy occasion and I still look back on it fondly so I saw nothing wrong with keeping the dress.

I don't see anything wrong with you keeping your dress in the attic. It's part of your life and parting with it doesn't make it any less so.

I enjoyed binning my dress, ring and letters, but I only did that maybe 10 to 15 years after when I had the urge to do it. There's no right or wrong, though I can see how since each of us attached a different level of feeling to these this, that they might make others uncomfortable. I'm in the opposite position. My main ex had loads of albums, all the pics, and I cringe about that!

I love my dress. It's staying with me forever. Nothing to do with the day itself or where I am now. Every few years I try it on again. It still makes me feel fabulous.

and I don't have the ego to think I look amazing in anything,

Hahaha, I feel seen 😂

At the time I felt good and now many years later I'm happy to say I did look amazing.

I think it's a real shame that I never realised that when I was younger and was always self-critical, worried about imperfections and all that. Bah. Youth is wasted on the young as they say.

Sure you have an emotional tether. To me it’s a very healthy one because despite your marriage ending you can remember some of it happily and occasionally look at your beautiful dress and recall how great you felt in it.

He must know you will always have memories of your wedding and marriage, would he prefer it if they were all unhappy memories. Or does he think your time with him should overwrite your memories?

I think so long as you aren’t expecting him to look at the dress and listen to you reminisce, then he is being insecure. And that insecurity probably stems from something that has happened in his life that he is emotionally tethered to.

The saying that when you point a finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you, comes to mind.

I agree with @category12 reference to Miss Haversham (and thank you that made me laugh).

I was going to suggest you tell him you were saving it to wear to his work’s Christmas do. But I think you are a nicer person than I am. And I think it is nice that you consider other people’s opinions but don’t allow those opinions to sway what you instinctively know is right for you

I kept mine initially - the dress and rings. I took them when I moved out and they were in storage. When it came to buy my own place with my new partner, there were discussions as to what to do with it. I never bothered to get it cleaned after the wedding and I just wanted it gone. So it was very satisfying to dump it in tip! I’d forgotten about the rings until I was unpacking in our new home, same satisfying feeling chucking my engagement and wedding ring straight into the dustbin.
I wanted no trace of that man anywhere near my new life. And I took pleasure from knowing he’d have been mortified because he could have gotten money for them (even though I paid for all three! Yes - I even paid for my own engagement ring. I should have known then he was dud really! 😂)

Of course it’s ok . You can’t re write history. You were happy on that day and it’s a momento of a lovely experience
it’s your ex that has the issue - not you !

I think you are giving too much credence to a random ex - do what YOU want not what this bloke thinks you OUGHT to do…

I’ve finally listed mine for sale. I don’t have any attachment to it, I think I only kept it because I bought it myself and it was a lot of money at the time. I should have sold it immediately after wearing it rather than paying for the boxing and cleaning and keeping it for years and years.

I recently remarried and have listed my new, much nicer dress for sale within a year of the wedding. My DH doesn’t care that I have the old dress. I even reused my veil from the first wedding. I still have my old wedding and engagement rings too.

It’s yours to do with as you wish. I said the same on your last thread.
I loved my wedding dress and looked great in it. It’s the only one I’ll ever have as I’ve no intention of marrying again. So I kept it for a few years and forgot it was in the attic until it came to moving house. It took up too much space so I sold it on EBay.
Still have my wedding ring in a jewellery box somewhere but I’d have to go looking for it if I wanted to, it’s been in one of them for over 10 years. I’m a tight northerner so not in the habit of throwing gold out.
Stop listening to people who are so judgemental. Do what you want.

I’m divorced 12/13 years now. My wedding dress is in the loft. I also have a box in the wardrobe containing my wedding album of photos and other non official photos etc. and the dvd. I figured they are part of my children’s family history and one day might be of interest to them. My ex took a similar amount of photos but not sure what he ever did with them. I don’t have a new partner, never even dated since the separation as my kids are my focus.

Also have my wedding and engagement ring in a jewellery box and my necklace - earrings were part of the set but I did manage to lose one as used to wear the set regularly.

I had this discussion with a friend about the photos from her first wedding. I don't see anything wrong with keeping things from your past, especially if the memories are good. We can't erase who we were, and it's all part of us.

ive still got mine, it’s in a vacuum bag under the spare bed. I’ve not kept it for any sentimental reasons I just don’t feel the need to get rid of it. I forgot it was there and found it recently when decorating!
I also technically still wear my rings albeit I had them remade into a pendant and other ring, they’d have sat in a cupboard in their box if I hadn’t and I love jewellery so that was my divorce present to myself as well as a damn nice watch 😂

Yeah I think I have my old dress somewhere, I liked it.

Hell I still have my old wedding ring, it’s gorgeous and a one off. I’d still wear it! New DH doesn’t care if I did (not on my wedding finger obvs), I only don’t as it is tidied away somewhere and I can’t be ars*d to look for it.

Sometimes people move on from any physical attachment and just like something.

anything that actually reminded me of exDH no, not that I have feelings for him but I don’t particularly want to remember him much as I have well and truly moved on. I don’t think I have something like that but I appreciate some may.

Only get rid of it if you’re ready/want to get rid of it. I certainly wouldn’t take advice from a partner/ex partner: they may have an agenda.

My college boyfriend bought me a gold bracelet that I kept after we broke up. I loved it and it had happy memories attached to it. My ex husband wanted me to sell it, and even went out of his way to facilitate the sale… I refused. Nearly 30 years later, the ex is long gone, but I still have the bracelet. And I am very happy that I still have it!

I remarried for the 2nd time last year and now have 2 wedding dresses in the loft! I also have 2 wedding albums. I dont look at them but I also dont want to just bin them, yes our marriage ended in divorce but we had our 4 amazing children and are still friends. I dont think its weird at all, I think it would be weirder to bin them. I would give my dress to a charity shop but I never had it cleaned and has awful stains all over it! Also, my husband has some of his wedding photos from his first marriage, doesn't bother me at all.