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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend messaged his ex during a rough patch and I found out

4 replies

bakabruce · 03/04/2026 22:52

my boyfriend has had only one other ex girlfriend this was around 2023-2024 she cheated on him a lot so they ended up breaking up. we met in April of 2025 and became close instantly and started dating on June 10th everything was going great until January. Me and him would hangout way to much and it would cause alot of small fights and me always being mad at him I wasn't being the best girlfriend. by the end of January he started looking at his exes profile and in febuary she texted him because she saw him view the profile the conversation went onto discord where he was telling her that me and him where going to breakup soon and how I was over controlling they mostly talked about me. me and him where about to breakup and alot was going on I had no idea about this after that conversation they didnt talk again me around the frist week of march we talked out all our problems and agreed to fix things between us. the week was going great then I found these messages I felt hurt and was extremely mad so I broke up with him we talked after the breakup and he said he thought he missed the feeling of not knowing if his girlfriend would be his girlfriend the next day after they texted he realized that isn't what he wanted so he blocked her. although I love him I would never want to be the girl he has because he cant be with her a part of me wants him to stay my boyfriend because I really do love him but the other part of me dosent think it will work. if he wants his ex why is he dating me?

OP posts:
TheVeloursImgonnaChangeNsoul · 03/04/2026 22:57

Wouldn't trust him as far as you could throw him.
A wee bump in the relation ship he's in contact with the ex.
Time to say ta ta🙋🙋

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 03/04/2026 23:02

You say you were fighting a lot and you've already broken up within a year, so I'd say this isn't the relationship for you and you need to stay apart. Take some time to also work on yourself so you aren't angry in relationships that aren't working for you, instead of just leaving for something healthier.

And unfortunately some men will stay with a second choice instead of being alone, and you're never going to know if you're second choice or not given there has been so much toxicity in such a short space of time. This is not good for either of you.

Work on yourself and you'll have a different relationship in the future where you both treat each other with kindness and respect.

moderate · 03/04/2026 23:34

bakabruce · 03/04/2026 22:52

my boyfriend has had only one other ex girlfriend this was around 2023-2024 she cheated on him a lot so they ended up breaking up. we met in April of 2025 and became close instantly and started dating on June 10th everything was going great until January. Me and him would hangout way to much and it would cause alot of small fights and me always being mad at him I wasn't being the best girlfriend. by the end of January he started looking at his exes profile and in febuary she texted him because she saw him view the profile the conversation went onto discord where he was telling her that me and him where going to breakup soon and how I was over controlling they mostly talked about me. me and him where about to breakup and alot was going on I had no idea about this after that conversation they didnt talk again me around the frist week of march we talked out all our problems and agreed to fix things between us. the week was going great then I found these messages I felt hurt and was extremely mad so I broke up with him we talked after the breakup and he said he thought he missed the feeling of not knowing if his girlfriend would be his girlfriend the next day after they texted he realized that isn't what he wanted so he blocked her. although I love him I would never want to be the girl he has because he cant be with her a part of me wants him to stay my boyfriend because I really do love him but the other part of me dosent think it will work. if he wants his ex why is he dating me?

Here is your post rendered readable by ChatGPT:

My boyfriend has only had one other ex-girlfriend. This was around 2023–2024. She cheated on him a lot, so they eventually broke up.

We met in April 2025, became close instantly, and started dating on June 10. Everything was going great until January. We were spending way too much time together, which caused a lot of small fights, and I was often mad at him. I was not being the best girlfriend.

By the end of January, he had started looking at his ex’s profile, and in February she texted him because she saw that he had viewed it. The conversation moved to Discord, where he told her that he and I were probably going to break up soon and that I was too controlling. They mostly talked about me.

At the time, he and I were close to breaking up and a lot was going on, but I had no idea about any of this. After that conversation, they did not talk again. Around the first week of March, he and I talked through all of our problems and agreed to fix things between us. That week was going great, and then I found those messages.

I felt hurt and extremely angry, so I broke up with him. We talked after the breakup, and he said that he thought he missed the feeling of not knowing whether his girlfriend would still be his girlfriend the next day. After they texted, he realized that was not what he wanted, so he blocked her.

Although I love him, I would never want to be the girl he is with only because he cannot be with her. Part of me wants him to stay my boyfriend because I really do love him, but the other part of me does not think it will work.

If he wants his ex, why is he dating me?

Marleyandme71 · 03/04/2026 23:43

I kept getting lost with the original post due to no comma's or full stops. Thank you for making this post more understandable.

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