Partner dismisses childcare pressures and holidays, am I expecting too much?

[Row16]

Looking for some advice I don’t really know who else to turn to I tried family they all take my side and friends also I would just like to have advice from someone who does not know me or my situation. I have been in a relationship for three years, I have two children he has one I have my step son more than he does he works long hours I work school hours 5 days a week, it’s Easter half term and he’s told me basically work the majority of the two weeks and the days he’s off he intends on relaxing and not doing much his job involves a lot of driving so when I asked if we could do something on his day off he told me not if it involves driving I don’t drive and where we live there isn’t much around so you do have to drive to do something decent with the kids. I’ve expressed to him I would be nice to have some support in the holidays etc and if he’s working this much during this half term god help me in the summer he’s now told me that I need to get on with it that it’s life I get to sit at home while he goes out to work (I am a LSA) so I don’t work during holidays, I did bring up to him I would like a little summer job and was told no because we would need to pay for childcare when I asked if he could take one or two days off a week for me to get a summer job the answer was no I can’t just take time off for you to go and find other work. It’s got the point when he will ask how my days been and if the kids have been ok and I just lie because even if I tell him I’ve had a hard day with them or it’s been stressful his is usually more stressful and I just need to get on with it. It’s driving a wedge between us and he can’t even see it he will occasionally ask why my attitude is off with him and I just say I’m not feeling well or I’m tired when in reality I don’t want to tell what’s wrong because he never really cares. Sorry for the long winded rant I just needed someone to vent to

Why are you looking after his child when his attitude is like that!

So many questions…

• how do you approach finances since your earning potential is so limited
• why do you provide free childcare? Wouldn’t his DC rather be with his Mum if he is working?

I don’t know in all honesty I have had the same reaction on family and friends I think it’s because deep down I do love him but at the same time I don’t feel loved I feel taken for granted

Just dump him. He uses you like a nanny and expects you to care for his child without respite year ‘round. Just stop. Tell him to arrange for summer childcare. Learn to drive. And start living again. Why waste more time with this man?

His mum is not in the picture he pays all the bills as he is monthly pay and we live off my weekly pay then

He doesn’t seem to love you, you feel you have to lie to him, he’s disrespectful and selfish and I expect your life and your children’s would be much improved without him in it.

How do your kids feel about having an unrelated child tagging along for all their holidays?
When does this boy see his mother?
Who looked after him before you handily came along to do it?
Why on earth are you tolerating being treated like an unpaid nanny for a useless man?

Thinking you love him deep down isn’t a good enough reason when his behaviour is affecting your children.

Dump him.

Your DS lives with you full time? And he thinks his time off work is for him to sit around and rest? Let me take a guess… you do nearly all the unpaid labour (cooking, cleaning, school runs?)

He's using you as an unpaid childminder/housekeeper.

It's three years too long. Come on, OP - how many more years of this do you want to put up with? What genuine positives does he bring to your life?

Do you really think you’re expecting too much that he does some parenting of his own child? Surely not?

Dump him. You and he should no longer be together.

He isn’t going to change. This is who he is. He expects you to look after the kids and stfu because ‘you get to sit at home’. I’m amazed any woman puts up with this shit.

And I certainly wouldn’t be politely lying about my day to spare his feelings. You’re entitled to feel stressed about by the sole care of three children.

If he thinks it’s a doddle why not suggest you leave him to it for a week and book yourself into an Airbnb over Easter?

He needs to be told his child is his responsibility whether he's on days off or not. You are not the default parent for his child and you need to tell him what is really wrong when he's asking you. He has no problem telling you what's what and that his day has been worse than yours or whatever when you have a bad day. Be honest and tell him the truth that he's taking the mick and he needs to parent his child more than he is doing right now. He's doing a job that is probably 36/40 hours per week - yours piddles all over that because you work in term time plus out of school home care the rest of the time while he sits and does nothing of an evening. Tell him you want a day off too just like him and plan for one in the interests of fair shares and leave the kids with him. If he refuses then his DC doesn't come to your home if he's not there!!

Child care can have pressure, but truth and life is found in comfort anfd support and giving alot of attention to the children. Stressful times come to everyone. the way out oif them is confidence in self and in positive outcomes.

What the hell does that mean ^^^^^

OP - I am not sue how you are set up in your relationship - which seems uneven and unfair.
But one thing that struck me - you have two kids of your own and you live somewhere where you need a car to get places. Why on earth do you not drive??? What happens in emergency?
You can't rely on a bf, who is away for work when you have kids in your house.

What would happen, if you said, you're looking after our children on this date and that date? I dont think you've directive enough.
He sounds like someone you need to sack off. Relationships should be about supporting each other.