Relationships over 40. Such a drag

[Emilycheltenham]

Just here to have a moan really about relationships over the age of 40 😅

Last relationship lasted just shy of two years (first rship since my ten year marriage ended) and ended in utter disaster. Too depressing to even go into the details. Think anxious-avoidant and that's the jist of it.

Recently decided to try out online dating and I'm only one week into it and already so disillusioned. Getting hundreds of likes, but of the few whose profiles appeal to me, I respond and then they don't seem to be able to hold an interesting conversation or are so slow to reply (which reminds me of my ex so immediate trigger).

Feel like giving up at this point and being alone forever. Or dating a woman (seriously... the thought has crossed my mind!)

Rant over. Thanks for listening 😅

You sound like you're no fool and determined if cautious. Prob takes a bit of work to find the ones who might be with it.

A good relationship has value at any age.

I with you OP. Just split with my avoidant partner of 2 years. 1st relationship after 20 year marriage. Someone told me that men in their 40s wouldn’t be single if they were decent blokes so I’m giving up. I feel relieved tbh and am going to focus the time and energy I spent on him on myself ☺️

Try Burnt Haystack for a method that weeds out the creeps and low effort blokes. She has a book coming out that summarises the method but the info is all freely available on IG

Another vote for Burned Haystack, but I’m another woman who is also basically giving up. I’m also early 40s, and I think I’ll likely be single for life now, unless I end up with a woman. Like someone else above, I feel relief when i think of this. TBH it’s more peaceful and happy being single.

I think that people on dating apps should have lives so I'd forget the slow reply thing. If that is still a problem when you are seeing each other regularly for dates, then fair enough. On day 1, nobody should be prioritising their Tinder messages over every day life.

I’m mid 40s and am on the few apps but I really can’t be bothered. It’s such an effort sifting out all the losers and trying to find a decent one.

There are plenty of guys in 40s/50s who are single and decent blokes. A friend of mine was ditched as she thought grass was greener and all her mates had ditched their blokes. I was ditched as I started to argue back after years of emotional abuse towards me. Both of us have good careers, 50/50 parent, wide range of interests and emotionally available. Sure, when speaking to my GF about her online experiences there are plenty of grim examples, but there are good guys and girls out there - may just need a bit of hunting (and they will be snapped up quick)!