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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To think I will never meet anyone again

6 replies

NeedingASafeSpace · 03/04/2026 20:41

I have left an abusive relationship (a while ago now) my kids are very young and I am raising them on my own. I am focused on being a mum now especially while recovering myself and laying solid grounds for my children to heal from, too.
I do wonder though, at night or when I get lonely, if I ever really will meet anyone at all
my perspective has changed. I don’t go out drinking I don’t smoke. I am a mother and that’s all. Which is wonderful and all I need (until they grow older!). Of course when they’re older I will still be there, but then I’m left on my own in the big wide world (kind of feels that way, anyway!) where they will not need me as much as they do now.
I sit and think to myself, I don’t even know if I could trust a man again. I certainly couldn’t trust a stranger around my children as the possibilities of getting with a creep, gives me the creeps. I don’t want a man right now, either. It would take my precious time away from what means the most to me (being a mum).. but one day I would love to settle down. I’m in my 30s now and I wonder the chances of actually meeting somebody when I never go out, I’m hardly on social media, not on any dating sites and I have a heavy past of domestic abuse….ainr

OP posts:
TooPoor4PandaPooTea · 03/04/2026 20:46

Do you have a social group of mum friends? Or non mum friends?

Being home alone with young children even without a past of DA is very lonely.

Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 03/04/2026 20:52

TooPoor4PandaPooTea · 03/04/2026 20:46

Do you have a social group of mum friends? Or non mum friends?

Being home alone with young children even without a past of DA is very lonely.

No I don’t have friends either!

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 03/04/2026 20:54

I believe it is just for this season I’m in right now though. I believe when my kids grow it gives me more time for me again. For now, I accept this is my life. Being a mum which I love but yes it is extremely hard and lonely

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 03/04/2026 21:04

I'm older than you but I feel the same. My kids are 10 and 4 and I can't see me being in another relationship.

Janefx40 · 03/04/2026 21:05

I’m sorry you’ve been through so much but well done for getting through it and focusing on your kids and healing. You don’t say how old your kids are but if/when they go to school, that is a great place to make friends. If you have time to volunteer for the parent group then you will automatically be included in meetings and that can also be quite social. It could be a good way of building friendships gradually which is probably the best way forward.

Similarly getting to know the other Mums at play dates/ or the playground after school is also a gradual way to start improving your social contacts and hopefully making some friends.

As I’m sure you know, these things take time - quickly made friendships and relationships often don’t turn out to be the genuine ones in my experience. I have had periods of being lonely and isolated in the past too so I know it can be really hard/even painful at times. It’s doubly hard because abusive relationships can make it hard to trust people and can take away your skills at making new friends and forming healthy relationships ! Sorry I do realise this isn’t what you asked.

In terms of romantic relationship, if you gradually expand your social circle and learn how to have healthy friendships, that will be a great way to then feel more confident about making healthy romantic relationship choices. You will also have built a social life which will help you to meet people and build your confidence. But it sounds as though you want to wait for that anyway and that sounds really sensible to me.

it sounds like you’re doing great! Best of luck

Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 04/04/2026 07:24

Janefx40 · 03/04/2026 21:05

I’m sorry you’ve been through so much but well done for getting through it and focusing on your kids and healing. You don’t say how old your kids are but if/when they go to school, that is a great place to make friends. If you have time to volunteer for the parent group then you will automatically be included in meetings and that can also be quite social. It could be a good way of building friendships gradually which is probably the best way forward.

Similarly getting to know the other Mums at play dates/ or the playground after school is also a gradual way to start improving your social contacts and hopefully making some friends.

As I’m sure you know, these things take time - quickly made friendships and relationships often don’t turn out to be the genuine ones in my experience. I have had periods of being lonely and isolated in the past too so I know it can be really hard/even painful at times. It’s doubly hard because abusive relationships can make it hard to trust people and can take away your skills at making new friends and forming healthy relationships ! Sorry I do realise this isn’t what you asked.

In terms of romantic relationship, if you gradually expand your social circle and learn how to have healthy friendships, that will be a great way to then feel more confident about making healthy romantic relationship choices. You will also have built a social life which will help you to meet people and build your confidence. But it sounds as though you want to wait for that anyway and that sounds really sensible to me.

it sounds like you’re doing great! Best of luck

Thank you for your kind words and great advice.
I do struggle to make and maintain relationships as I have ADHD and I am a very awkward person in real life. I feel like I make conversations a bit awkward when I talk to the mums and the conversation goes dead in the water very quickly. There are a few people I can keep up a conversation with and those people I do talk to but I honestly am just always with my children and so we go out together and do our own thing. I definitely want to work on how I can make and maintain relationships with people as it would be great for my children to have that around them. It’s the holidays now and I might suggest a park date with some mums at some point after actual Easter. Thank you again.

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