I hear the word narcissist flying around and used so commonly these days. I have wondered on occasion if my now ex partner is / has the tendencies. I’m interested to hear your opinion.
a few examples -
he had a very large ego and does think very highly of himself. I did always think it was a bit of a ‘front’ and ‘armour’ but he would always say ‘this is who I am’. Friends of ours pointed it out and again he said ‘I dont change for anyone, this is me, no front’
he thought he was very good looking, which he was but it was something he would say especially in social situations. He always wanted to be seen as the ‘man’ the ‘alpha’ the ‘one who wears the trousers’ - however when it was just me and him, he was lovely, soft and affectionate, majority of the time.
he had a bad temper which I saw a few times. Once we got into an argument and he smashed his phone against the wall and said I ‘made him do it’. In the moment.
Months later he would say things like ‘the argument where you made me smash my phone’. He threatened to smash other things too or he would throw things. If we argued, he could never talk through things, he’d just get angry, sometimes throw things and ignore me.
once i asked why he would ignore me, for sometimes days after disagreements. He would say ‘if I don’t, you wont learn’.
i dont know to this day, what I was supposed to ‘learn’.
he lived in the past in a sense, always bringing up really good past achievements, to validate how good he was or better he was than people he didn’t like or people that had annoyed him.
if he didn’t get his own way, in most situations not just relationally, he would basically fly off the handle and make situations difficult.
in most social situations he loved being the centre of attention. Making a bit of a fool of himself, being loud, sometimes obnoxious. At times I thought he was just enjoying himself but I always had a weird underlying feeling. However I just put it down to his confidence.
he was never really ‘jealous’ with me. But there was a couple of occasions i’d made plans with friends and told him about it. I specifically remember telling him. Then he would say i hadn’t and I was lying to him. On one occasion I went with my friends for dinner at 9pm which was a similar time me and him would go for dinner. And he blew up, saying I was lying, if I was going out to party, why not just say. I was just going for dinner. To put it short he ruined my night and wouldn’t speak to me for a few days. But he would always say to me and to friends, he wasn’t jealous and I could do whatever I wanted.
if I went to visit family he was fine about it, but would say he missed me and didn’t like the distance, if I was away for a week or so. Yet if I was feeling down or not myself he’d be quick to tell me to go visit family.
when we argued he’d tell me to go back to my parents home and he’d pack my bags for me.
Yet it was our home we paid for and shared together. I didn’t live in his house, it was our house.
life was very much his way. If he wanted to do something, he would do it and if I ever moaned about it - he’d get mad and say I was trying to control him. Majority of our schedule revolved around his but then he would be quick to tell me to go do things if I wanted to.
he would never post me on social media, maybe stories occasionally but never main feed. I overlooked it mostly because I didn’t want to sound silly. I posted him on mine because I was proud of the relationship and him. He didn’t post anything for the entire relationship, saying he didn’t use social media like that. Then when we broke up, he posts himself on the feed, posts stories every day.
he’s more active than i’ve ever seen him.
i would do everything domestically, and he would always leave a mess whether it be dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, which of course i’d clean. When i’d highlight what i’d do. He said house stuff meant nothing to him, as long as he had a bed, tv and sofa. He would also joke to friends we had these ‘fairies’ that do the washing and pick up the mess - i.e me. Which I always laughed off. But he’d never truly thank me for all I did. When I jokingly asked him ‘what would you do if I didn’t cook nice meals’ he said he wouldn’t be with me.
and yes he then broke up with me because I went through a period of being down and not myself. He said he wanted a peaceful home and the relationship felt too heavy and he fell out of love.
he told friends he left me because i was ‘down’.