Skip best friends celebration if other friend ignoring me?

[rhubarbandcream]

I’ve had a falling out with a very close friend (X), they haven’t spoken to me in months and their behaviour has been very hurtful but I don’t know what the issue is (have asked but no response). The stuff they’ve done will have long term consequences for me. So far, I’ve risen above it and haven’t bitched or got angry back (even tho I’m seething).

Another friend (Y) has big celebration in the summer and we are supposed to be going away for a few days together (no one else coming). It’s all booked and paid for. Not cheap. It’s going to super awkward as X isn’t speaking to me and frankly I have no desire to see them. X won’t back out of the event. Do I cancel and look like the one with the problem? It’s awful for Y having their plans spoilt but equally it won’t be fun. Any ideas please. Thanks

Does y know what's going on and why?

Yes they do, but they are hoping it will be ok and think I should just forgive and forget but I don’t feel able to yet

Go away with y separately, do something else. You don’t want to ruin their birthday.

plus how can you forgive and forget if you don’t know what’s happened?

Going on the holiday and it being a frosty atmosphere will spoil it for your friend worse than explaining the issue to her in a measured way and suggesting that cancelling might be the better solution. If you genuinely aren’t to blame and don’t know what the issue is then Y will understand this.

On a separate note this kind of unexplained blanking is really poor behaviour from your friend. I wish more people would just make the effort and talk to the person they’re upset with, even if what they have to say is difficult or will end the friendship. I feel for you.

I would go and cheerfully ignore the fact that X is ignoring me so that her behaviour looks increasingly unhinged. But I am very bloody-minded.

That sounds extremely challenging.

I think it’s a big ask by Y, and I’m surprised she invited both of you knowing the situation.

I’m also bloody minded though, so I would go and make sure I enjoyed myself.

Fcuk X, hopefully she will feel very awkward.