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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage stresses

6 replies

mad88 · 02/04/2026 20:58

I'm really struggling at home with my husband. I find he's really critical about things around the house. I naturally find criticism emotionally painful whilst he doesnt name call or put me down during these times he's critiquing things. He says it's constructive criticism. So for example he will comment on things like me not wringing the mop out enough when I mop, if something isn't put away after I use it, if the dishwasher isn't stacked in the best way. They aren't huge things but I really feel criticised when he regularly makes these comments. Most of the time I just cop it on the chin but around my period I really struggle to regulate my emotions and I'm more likely to snap. We are having an explosive argument every month. The other night he chopped a head of garlic and dumped it in the fry pan whilst I was cooking then went to play his game saying "just leave it there " and when I asked follow up questions "do what you want". It ended up being an argument that lasted for 40 minutes. The next day he's calling me abusive. I don't know how I can be the abusive one when I live in a state of constant hypervigalence awaiting the next comment about what I'm not doing right. We have two young children and it's just not possible to pay attention to everything. Any advice?

OP posts:
Pashazade · 02/04/2026 21:05

Tell him if he doesn’t like it he does it himself otherwise he shuts up. If he’s not cooking the meal he doesn’t interfere. Doesn’t like the food cook it himself, doesn’t like how you wash things does his own. Keeps up with the nasty nit picking behaviour then you find a divorce lawyer, life is too short.
If he is genuinely a nice guy then have a chat about it when you’re not in the middle of things and explain. But it sounds like he’s just a mansplaining twat you’d be better off without.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/04/2026 21:05

I would be planning my exit from such a marriage. It does the kids no favours to hear their dad treat you as their mum like this. It’s he who is abusive here, not you and besides which you are not a rehab center for a badly raised man.

Endofyear · 02/04/2026 21:09

Agree with first poster, if my DH was constantly criticising me, I'd tell him to do it himself if he thinks he can do it better!

Seriously though, I don't think it sounds like a healthy relationship if he's constantly nitpicking about petty things. Tell him it's really getting you down and if it doesn't change, you can't see yourself staying with him. Maybe it will be a wake up call for him.

mad88 · 02/04/2026 21:44

Unfortunately I've said that before and was told that if he did everything I did wrong himself he would be doing all the house work. Appreciate the perspectives I feel like in going crazy sometimes

OP posts:
Pashazade · 02/04/2026 21:52

Then let him do all the housework! No one gets to insult you like that, bollocks to that. You deserve to be treated better. Tell him “You’ve made it clear I’m shit at it all, so going forward I will feed myself and the children and you can do everything else.”

Tooconfused12 · 03/04/2026 10:18

@AttilaTheMeerkat

You are not a rehab centre for a badly raised man.

Wow, this is a very insightful and is one of those sentences that just hits home. It’s so accurate - too many women end up being a “rehab centre.” I’d never thought of it like this but it’s an excellent description of a very common marital circumstance

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