be honest now... how often do you row?

[bonniefromboot]

I have long since realised that "happily ever after" came and went in the blink of an eye!! Under no illusions everybody's relationship is perfect. But just wondering how often do you argue and if it's serious?
My dh and I seem to go thru phases where we row more and other's when we are more lovey-dovey.
Surely this is normal....isn't it?

yes its normal to go thru phases.

But if a rowing phase is going on for a very long time and is getting worse than usual then it may be an idea to look at the relationship and see what is going wrong.

yes it is normal.

I can't pretend I never row with dh because if I do, Naswm (with whom I msn daily) would be bound to find this thread and tell the world otherwise.

So yes we row a lot but that is because I am an argumentative sort from an argumentative family. It is mostly harmless and I think most couples know when the rowing is harmless and when it is indicative of something more serious.

I was ashamed as a child as I thought my family were the only ones to row.

Sorry probably didn't make that clear. Don't think it's a major problem, just want a bit of reassurance not everybody totally loved-up 100% of the time!!

btw dumbledoresgirl, just looked at your profile and your kids are gorgeous!!

very rarely but have you ever tried arguing with a psychiatrist?

All the bloody time!

er every day! about minor things!!

I think we have had what I would call a row about 3 times in 15 years,
we do however bicker regularly, just minor disagreements about trivial stuff that last all of 5 mins

Very rarely, perhaps once every six months. We have never yelled at eachother.

DH and I don't row very often, aprox once a year, sounds good, but we often say we need to learn how to row more. Things get bottled up and one of us blows, it tends to be horrible. Our last row was a couple of weeks ago and we're still a bit mentally bruised by it - not good.

hmmm, not sure whether to post as I reckon you're after a "No, we argue all the time it's normal". fwiw, most couples I know argue all the time, we don't though. Last time we fell out, was about 18 months ago. Don't get me wrong, we disagree about things, but I guess we know each other so well we end up talking it out. (I know, bleugh, right?) We're alike though and are usually on the same page.
We're just not one of those lovey-dovey couples either though.

We don't row these days as it tends to get too nasty too quickly. But I suspect we aren't at a good stage in our relationship right now. It's either polite and friendly or distant and indifferent.

ALL the time. At least once every 2-3 weeks. But we always say sorry afterwards and we both mean it when we say it.

I think you'd know if it was serious.

if the rows were getting bigger, nastier, closer together - then you might have something to worry about.

we regularly have little snarky patches but we only really row every couple of years, and then it's over something biiiiiig.

we bicker daily and have major rows weekly if not more. but having said that we are having a lot of problems lately. havent really rowed or bickered since sunday when i kicked him out though!

he is making an effort so i am doing the same.

Loshad, tell us about arguing with a psychiatrist (or not as the case may be). My dh does not exactly argue back. He is an engineer and can scarcely string an argument together but that doesn't stop me rowing!

Thanks bonnie re comment about the children.

we bicker once or twice a week
we have serious arguments once or twice a year.
but we never have, they are very rarely things that we think are important enough to row about.

I like that notdoing.

It's just that it's impossible DG, he always is too rational and reasoned so i always end up looking/feeling a fool - years ago we did used to row but either he developed his psychy skills, or I realised i was on a hiding to nothing so they fizzled out, though tbh we don't really disagree on much - rather boringly, and having spent all my childhood in an arguing house ( mother divorced first husband, argues several times daily with second husband)I'm not keen to repeat that pattern anyway.

does rowing = shouting?

we don't do that, just every couple of years something big (international move, unemployment, that kind of thing) gets us both so wound up we kind of forget to communicate and dh goes into his cave. eventually I flip out more because of the communication thing than whatever the issue is. I need to know we are on the same wavelength but dh would always rather we just ignore things til they went away, so it can be very hard re-establishing comms but we always do. No shouting (or worse) though.