Was with my ex for over 2 years. Lived together, dogs together etc. When I first met him I was unsure if he’d be ‘relationship material’ hadn’t really had a long term girlfriend aside from when he was a teenager and basically dated / slept around.
He ended up being really keen and we spent a lot of time together and he asked me to be with him officially. At this point I was practically living with him but we officially moved in together and then around 7 months later we moved away for his work. Got our own place, built a life.
I’d been in a very abusive, toxic relationship prior, and I spent a few years single to work on myself, but i’d done the committed relationship stuff and I was ready to get into a relationship again.
To be honest, my ex was great, he really stepped into relationship mode in most areas. I absolutely loved him and we planned a life, future and kids together. He was so affectionate and I felt loved. My family loved him, his family loved me. Our lives gelled together so well.
He was terrible in conflict. I can’t say we ever argued because more time than not, he would blow up, shout, and then shut down and i’d have to just wait until he was ready to speak again. It wasn’t ever a back and forth argument. Some arguments were because he took something i said wrong. If I was down or withdrawn he’d get annoyed, saying I was disrupting the peace.
i put this down to his emotional capacity and how he handles conflict and not really being in a serious long term relationship. I understood some people need space but I would have appreciated if he communicated rather than shut down.
Anyways, we came a long way, hardly any issues for months, we were really close, planning our future, holidays etc and then I hit a really tough month. I was a little up and down and struggling with my mental health due to some medication i’d been prescribed and didn’t know the side effects at the time. In short one of the biggest side effects was your moods and not being able to regulate properly. Which I didn’t learn until later. So i felt a little all over the place and I didn’t know why.
It wasn’t an every day thing and to be honest, I hid majority of how I was feeling from him, to avoid it causing issues. But yes at times I was quiet, withdrawn and a little snappy, but still okay most days. Still affectionate, still loving, still showing up.
there was an occasion he told me my flat mood was annoying him and after that I really just tried to put on a brave face and be happy. I went to the gym, took myself on walks, did anything to shake how I was feeling, since I didn’t understand what it was.
Then one day he blew up and told me he wasn’t sure if he loved me and saw a future with me and said he needed some time to figure it out. He said he was going away for a few days which turned into over a week. He ignored my messages and was snappy when I called him, to see when he was coming home. He then broke up with me, saying he wasn’t in love anymore and wasn’t happy and had an epiphany’.
Yet only a week or so before we were absolutely fine. He was actively planning things with me and I was of course dealing with my mental issues myself so I was showing up normal.
Of course I tried to fix it and understand and he didn’t really give me much understanding just giving me vague reasons and saying he was final on his decision, the relationship didn’t feel good, brought up a past issue we’d previously worked through and stayed firm.
I knew i’d been a little up and down due to the medication which I didn’t know at the time and I explained this to him. He didn’t care. He said he’d gone away, spoken to family and made a decision and a plan for his next steps - without ever telling me how he was even feeling. I had no idea he was unhappy. Day to day we were fine.
He left abruptly which turned my life upside down logistically. There was no real joint breakup, he just very briefly cried and then got angry. I didn’t call or text him like crazy afterwards I just gave him some space and sent him a message a few weeks later. He ignored it and i’ve not heard anything from him since, it’s been a couple of months now. As far as i’m aware he’s back into single life, casual girls and living his life how he did before me and i’m just here.. picking up the pieces.
Part of me really wants to reach out but logically i’m like why would you? He left and moved on, very abruptly.
But the other side of me cannot get over it, I went into the relationship wholeheartedly and I was ready for the next step - kids, future, life and this was something we discussed together. i was genuinely happy with him and I thought it was us. We’d been through times where he was down and struggling and of course I stayed, I did everything I could to support him through rough times. I knew relationships have ups and downs. But he just left and it wasn’t really that bad.
It’s been 3 months since we broke up and i’ve not reached out since I sent a message he ignored, where I basically said everything I was feeling, over 7 weeks ago. I have accepted its over of course, i’m not saying I haven’t, but I would like to speak to him again.
Do I reach out?
i’d just love some insight on the whole situation.
Thanks,
D x