am I a horrible person or is this very common with in laws from a different culture? I have what I would call an aversion to my in laws. They haven’t done anything ‘wrong’ per se, they’re just extremely different to my family.
I have travelled alone since I was 18 years old (when I say alone I mean with friends or siblings, not completely alone but without a guardian) and now I am 29 with a 2 year old. If we’re staying at my in laws house and I go out alone with the baby, they call my husband to tell him and have been known to follow me to ‘check’ on me. They mean well as there is a cultural barrier and they want me to be safe but also I’m perfectly fine I don’t need checking on and I find it suffocating.
They also are messier than me, which is fine because they are clean but the mess is so overstimulating and I find it hard to deal with. Since we live far away, when we visit we are staying with them and it would be considered a little rude to stay elsewhere so we can’t exactly just book somewhere.
To an extent I also find that they want me to blend in to their culture too much and I actually think I’ve blended in more than anyone else I know in my situation so I don’t know what more I can do. I’ve been told to say goodbye differently as the way I’m saying it is not quite the way they do it here which to me is just picky.
Finally, since becoming a mum I find that all the things I could previously ignore just stress me out. They constantly feed my child from their spoons after it’s been in their mouth or they mush up food in their hands and put it in his mouth. I get it’s a cultural difference which I’m so open too but surely germ wise that’s just not great. He gets a cold everytime we come and I know why. They also ask him for kisses and protest when he says no and that’s so unacceptable to me. When my husband is here he can advocate for him but often my husband has work commitments even whilst we’re visiting and then the language barrier prevents me from being able to express my opinions, I’m also conscious of offending them which I definitely don’t want.
I know I’m just ranting and someone’s going to say that’s what happens when you marry outside your culture but my husband is so not like this at all. My husband is literally a great match for me, we agree on everything, parenting, lifestyle choices, he’s amazing, a great husband and father. He always stands up for me and they always seem like they’re listening but it’s like they find it really hard to change their ways. I guess there’s nothing I can do about it because I do want my children to have a great relationship with both sides of their family and I don’t want my aversions to rub off on my kids but I’m finding it really difficult.