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Original poster

Realising I have more spark with a colleague than my partner

13 replies

EagerGreenShaker · 01/04/2026 23:36

Does anyone else have a colleague that they have a proper connection and spark with, way more than with your own partner?

I feel that I have that with a colleague at work even though the relationship that I have with my partner who I love, totally lacks connection and spark.

Im in no way looking for a relationship with my colleague as I love my partner but I begin to wonder how the relationship can last when I can now see that there is no connection or spark between us.

OP posts:
TheNorns · 01/04/2026 23:41

If by ‘spark’ you mean ‘want to rip the clothes off’, of course it’s easier to feel it with someone mysterious and new, not the person you see clipping his toenails.

critchyg · 01/04/2026 23:42

Ah it’s really tricky. Because do you really have more of a spark with your colleague or it just that they’re fresh and new compared to your partner? Conversation can be so fun and exciting when you still have so much to find out about a person. And both still making 10/10 effort. I think you have to imagine if you went on a first date now with your partner, would you think they ticked the boxes? Would you feel a spark? A connection? Attraction? I think there’s a good chance you would as you would both be putting best foot forward and it would all be fresh.
However if the answer is no and you think back and there’s never really been a connection… then maybe it’s telling you something important

Farewelltothatid · 01/04/2026 23:43

Isn't this what happens in all long term relationships: the initial excitement wears off and love transforms into something different from the initial " spark"? Transforms into something deeper and more meaningful.

You say you love your partner but it sounds as though you are looking for excitement . I feel sorry for your partner.

BauhausOfEliott · 01/04/2026 23:45

I don’t really understand “I love my partner but we have no connection”. How do you love someone you can’t connect with?

Jupiterx · 02/04/2026 00:09

Op it sounds like you love your partner but you are not IN love with him anymore, its the end really.

Namechangerage · 02/04/2026 00:10

TheNorns · 01/04/2026 23:41

If by ‘spark’ you mean ‘want to rip the clothes off’, of course it’s easier to feel it with someone mysterious and new, not the person you see clipping his toenails.

🤣🤣🤣

yh8181 · 02/04/2026 02:29

TheNorns · 01/04/2026 23:41

If by ‘spark’ you mean ‘want to rip the clothes off’, of course it’s easier to feel it with someone mysterious and new, not the person you see clipping his toenails.

she probably just wants to shag him and isn’t interested in him as a person

Elanol · 02/04/2026 08:40

It happened to me.

I didn't get together with the colleague but it finished off my real relationship. We limped along for another year or so. It was dead in the water when I realised I'd never felt like that about him, even when we first met.

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/04/2026 08:59

EagerGreenShaker · 01/04/2026 23:36

Does anyone else have a colleague that they have a proper connection and spark with, way more than with your own partner?

I feel that I have that with a colleague at work even though the relationship that I have with my partner who I love, totally lacks connection and spark.

Im in no way looking for a relationship with my colleague as I love my partner but I begin to wonder how the relationship can last when I can now see that there is no connection or spark between us.

The grass is greener where you water it. That initial excitement in a new relationship does fade over time, you become more comfortable, know each other better - the good and the bad.

What are you doing in your relationship to foster connection (and what does that mean for you)? In my experience some people are good at “the spark” and drawing you in but there’s often nothing under that because they bounce from “spark” to “spark” - no depth or longevity. Look at what’s happening in your current relationship and how you can build more of what you want.

TalulahJP · 02/04/2026 09:01

dont do it op.

instead try and sort your relationship out. if he’s not the one leave him. THEN see what you want to do with your life. Your colleague will still be there.

exhaustDAD · 02/04/2026 10:04

There is not enough info to give well-informed suggestions or ideas, @EagerGreenShaker . What do you mean by 'spark'? That you fantasize about him at times, or that he makes you laugh every time you are on a meeting together? Is it about being more attractive physically than your husband, or that he has meaningful conversations with you instead of your husband?

The other question is around your husband. Love, but no connection? I am sorry, that just does not add up. Do you just not communicate? Is it about growing apart, the years of being together turning you into roommates rather than a couple? Is it him letting himself go? Him not sharing his feelings and thoughts? Or is it about you never really loving him, but marrying him because he seemed like a low-risk, safe option? (financially, lifestyle-wise, or anything).

One thing I would say here is that it's easy to magnify the appeal of someone who you only see in a controlled setting - You don't live together with your coworker, you see each other when you are put together, dressed for work, professional. You don't get to see him have enough of the day, throwing his dirty socks around, not loading the dishwasher right, or hear him burp and fart from the other room. You know what I mean?

CaffeinatedSeagull · 02/04/2026 10:10

I was on the other side of this with an old ‘work wife’ and they got in touch a year after leaving our organisation seeking to start a relationship with me as they were now single.

Can you step back from spending time with that colleague? Sit elsewhere or go in different days to them?

I think you need to look at your current relationship and work out how you can reignite that spark. Do you go on date nights? Romantic trips away? Talk to him and see what you can do.

Crikeyalmighty · 02/04/2026 10:36

critchyg · 01/04/2026 23:42

Ah it’s really tricky. Because do you really have more of a spark with your colleague or it just that they’re fresh and new compared to your partner? Conversation can be so fun and exciting when you still have so much to find out about a person. And both still making 10/10 effort. I think you have to imagine if you went on a first date now with your partner, would you think they ticked the boxes? Would you feel a spark? A connection? Attraction? I think there’s a good chance you would as you would both be putting best foot forward and it would all be fresh.
However if the answer is no and you think back and there’s never really been a connection… then maybe it’s telling you something important

I think this is very underestimated - the fact is when you don’t know a person then theres far more to discuss/chat and it can feel like spark -especially if you are attracted to them - when you have been with someone 20 or 30 years , you often know everything and its mother about them, have heard the funny stories countless times, it’s harder I feel to maintain fresh interesting conversations - we do have them but usually related to politics or our business or various friends/associates. That wouldn’t be for everyone and to be frank it’s why you need other people in your life even just good friendships

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