I separated from my partner around 8 years ago, leaving him for another man. Myself and ex hadn’t been getting on for quite some time, in hindsight our personalities had always clashed. We’d been together over 20 years with 2 children 9 and 12 at the time. I met him young. 21 year difference. My ex financially abused me from the beginning. I was a young 21 and naive. Never dawned on me that I was essentially being used. He’s the type of man that can go out of the way to help people initially, but down the line, an expectancy of something in return. I was blind sighted into taking out mortgage/credit cards in my name. He was self employed and would tell me that he needed to ‘keep under the radar’ so to speak. He also introduced swinging into our relationship which I hated but would go along with in order to keep him happy, otherwise, he would sulk and tell me that what we did stops couples having an affair and would threaten me that he may as well go out and behave like other men if we stopped. He knew how it upsetted me but would tell me that I knew the type of guy he was when we first met and would call me selfish. He has a very bossy personality and as I didn’t wish to live within a war zone with 2 young children, I foolishly went along with it all. He would regularly stay up at night on his computer scrolling through chat rooms in swinging sites trying to arrange meets whilst I’d be in bed, but as he knew I knew about it, it was almost like he had a golden ticket. I would make countless excuses as not to engage in this. Not well, time of the month etc. etc… and he would tell me how patient he’d been. Fast forward 8 years and I’m now married to the man I left my ex for… he is a wonderful, kind man who works very hard and provides for my children, though this hasn’t gone without difficulty. My eldest child took the separation badly and hates that I ‘cheated’. I was never looking for another man, we came together because of built up resentment with my ex and I wasn’t in a position to leave him financially.
My ex and I do have an amicable relationship for the children’s sake and my ex does see his kids regularly, about 2 nights a week, but he barely financially supports them. My husband and I pay for pretty much everything, mobile contracts, private school fees, clothing etc.. ex says he gives what he can, but that he can’t afford to pay for things like we can. He complained recently about having to buy a pair of school trousers and suggested we give my child spends for when he takes child away on holiday and that he’s financially struggling. My children feel sorry for him and because of this hardly ever ask him for money. I feel he manipulates them the way he used to do with me. I can never tell my children the real reasons as to why I left their father for obvious reasons, so will always be seen as the ‘cheating’ parent.
Just a vent as having a bad day :(