Am I overreacting after my boyfriend lied and criticised my photo?

[MentalElf1]

So this post is full of drama. I have mental health issues and started medication a few months ago. I've had a lifetime of bullying and abuse from family which my bf knows. He was actually really supportive with it all and we've been friends for years before dating and got on really well. If I had negative thoughts he'd always say don't think like that and he'd say I'm his beautiful princess. I dont like photos of myself and my face, I have low/no confidence. I started my period the other day it's been painful and I'm really tired and irritable. Earlier today I found out he lied about his relationship with a girl pretending he never liked her yet went out with her on a cute camping trip (this was a year ago and we were still friends, I found out through cross checking photos and dates and he said he had gone with a 'friend' I've never gone on a cute camping trip like that so I'm jealous) and I didn't say anything but was seething about it to myself all day. And in the evening I finally got the confidence to post my face and felt really good about myself and had styled my hair a new way and got compliments from two other friends first yet he said it's not a good pic and I don't look good, and said I don't care thats my face how can you say that you're not a model I'm not a model it's just my face. then he tried to say it's the lighting and I pointed out hes posted bad lighting pics. I said he looks like shrek who is he to talk. I said we are over and I am ending the relationship. I don't know if I'm over reacting

You need to get rid of him stay single and work alot on yourself.

How old are you you sound very young, with all the cute this cute that im his beauitful princess etc, posting this posting that honestly grow-up.

I understand you say you have issues, but in the kindest way, you need a bloody good therapist or counselor.

Honestly, you are over reacting and sound exhausting to be with.

The camping trip happened before you were together. It was a year ago. Which is more important, your real living relationship or something that was none of your business in the dim and distant past? Of course he lied if you go off on one to this degree.

His comment about the photo was thoughtless but if he's referring to the structure of the photo, you should have asked him to take a better one, get him involved and you would have looked even better.

Stop dating for a while, and learn to enjoy being single.

Well yes, of course. But that's not necessarily a bad thing as it sounds like thus relationship wasn't going to be healthy moving forwards as you clearly aren't in a place for one atm.

I don't know if it was a bad picture or not. But the camping trip jealousy...is weird. The telling him be looks like shreck is not ok either.

I get that hormones and vulnerabilities can make us a bit nuts but this all sounds...extra.

I do think you should step away from him and stay single a good while until you actually love yourself. Not just like btw, love. Councilling sounds like a good idea too if you can afford to do so.

It doesn’t sound like you’re in the right headspace to be in a relationship.

I can see why he didn’t tell you about the camping trip… look at your reaction, it’s not to the fact he didn’t tell you it’s because you’re jealous that you’ve never had ‘a cute camping trip’. You’ve overreacted here on everything. You need to stay single and work on yourself

I can only assume that you are very young OP…this is a massive overreaction.

Agree this is a huge amount of immature drama. I found out through cross checking photos and dates. That’s stalker level control.

I don’t think you are overreacting actually OP about the photo. I think the comment about was designed to hurt and undermine you as he knows you are sensitive to this.

He probably lied to you about the trip because he knows how you would react to it, exactly how you did react. He didn’t actually do anything wrong there apart from lie about it.

I don’t think you should carry on with this relationship, no.

Sorry you had a shitty childhood. It will take time and work to change the way you respond to events. Women from difficult backgrounds often have more complex PMT.

I would strongly recommend a few things. Firstly get some really good therapy. Focus on this above anything else. It will help change your whole life.

Secondly posting things on social media makes everyone feel shit. If you have post self esteem its even worse. Best thing I ever did was delete all social media.

Thirdly, people are allowed to past and don't need to tell you everything that happened in it. If this camping trip was when you were together, that could be an issue, but don't ask about things that happen before you were together.It's not your business.

Only focus on the things that you can change about yourself.

You sound very hard work and immature and he sounds potentially toxic. This is not going to end well. Dump him and get some therapy. No one should be gaining that much validation from how three other people think your hair looks .

You’re not in the right place for a relationship currently, you need to deal with issues first.

I would honestly work on the mental health part so that you feel more centred and stable in yourself. Relationships can bring additional stress to life at times, and you may not have the resilience just at present to find that helpful. He sounded clumsy about the photo comments, but that's almost additional to the fact you sounded quite wobbly anyway.

As a separate point, I've noticed a fair few posts over the last year with different usernames that begin: 'So, [inserts provocative catchy statement here that is usually dramatic in nature]'. Part of my job is spotting patterns in people's stories, and I've noted it a few times. It may be a growing trend to introduce stories like that on Mumsnet, or a generational thing I guess.

Edited typo.

‘i found out by cross checking photos’ what the actual fuck? That is abusive and controlling behaviour. You are being coercive and trying to justify this behaviour to yourself.

This.

Really honestly you shouldn't be in a relationship.

You mentioned a difficult childhood and mental health struggles - have you ever considered whether it could be borderline personality disorder?

I’m not trying to label you, but understanding a pattern can help. The whole “work on yourself before a relationship” idea people are throwing around here is a bit simplistic - we figure ourselves out through relationships, not in isolation.

And with something like BPD, it can be hard to tell if you’re being reasonable, triggered, or even gaslit. Having that clarity makes a difference.

I notice therapy, as always, gets thrown in as the solution, but realistically it’s not that accessible - so even just understanding what’s going on is a good start.

I can’t believe you “cross checked” his old photos and dates, to see if he was away with another woman at least a year before you two even got together, and then spent all day “seething” about it.

This isn’t normal behaviour OP.

Shrek when he was good looking or Shrek on a bad day?

Look, if some bloke is having a conversation on and on and on about what your face looks like in public in front of other people and that’s not the sort of thing you enjoy then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him.

To me, you were courting comments and then you didn’t like what he said and he didn’t pick up on it and so instead of stopping, he kept saying stuff. He doesn’t know who you are or what your expectations are of how you would like him to behave.

All this posting photos for other people’s opinions and critique of what you look like can’t be good for anyone’s mental health and I’d suggest that you stop doing it.

A "cute camping trip", "his princess"...how old are you? I think you need to stay single for a while

WTF is a "cute" camping trip.

As everyone else says, you sound very young, you need to keep away from relationships until you've grown up a bit.

Maybe you're American and the language is slightly different but you sound about 15?

This. You’re not even cross checking photos and dates for times you’ve been a couple, you’re literally fact checking things he told you about people he spent time with ages before you were together and when he owed you no loyalty, commitment or ‘cute camping trips’….

I think you should part ways and focus on yourself.

Cross checking photos regarding a time when you weren’t even together is ridiculous. You both sound very childish.

What's a cute camping trip?