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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Seeing man who knows my ex, communication has stopped for two days

7 replies

Talksalot89 · 30/03/2026 03:19

It’s a bit of a lengthy one…
So I split with my kids dad early last year, socially we used to go out a lot in a small community where most people know each other. There’s a guy who
ive had my eye on for a while, cut a long story short we started communicating around August time, started off friendly… problem is he considers my ex an associate and in the early stages he said he didn’t want to violate him where I’m concerned, however we’ve grown a lot closer in the last 6 weeks, I’ve made it very clear how I feel, he has also but I can tell he’s still cautious because of my ex. We communicate daily and it’s been amazing, although his communication has never been great from the start where he takes a while to respond, sometimes hours but he did highlight this in the beginning so it’s not been a shock but I do struggle as I’m a fast communicator. We had a great week of communication the week prior, we even saw eachother for a second time and everything seemed fine all week fast forward to last week, we were still talking normally but it slowed down a little but he said it was due to a heavy week at work, we last messaged on Friday night and we haven’t spoken since. My reasoning for not messaging first is I have ADHD and I know I can be a lot sometimes and I don’t want to seem to needy but I can’t think why he’s stopped messaging me, he normally posts a lot on WhatsApp stories he’s not done that and he hasn’t viewed mine, but he’s been active on other social apps and viewed my instagram
stories. … Am i overthinking things? Has he gone off me ? I want to ask but I don’t, 2 days not speaking is unusual for him, I’ve got strong feelings and I’d be absolutely gutted if he’s over it, I’m finding it hard to navigate a bit as I was on a relationship for 13 years so this is all new territory. Not sure what my next move should be ?

OP posts:
peanutbutterjelly563 · 30/03/2026 03:37

He’s not into you. He’s been active on Instagram but not bothered to respond to a text. If he was interested he wouldn’t be doing that. Move on.

Maryhadalittlemouse · 30/03/2026 03:38

IMO your next move is to do nothing.

Unfortunately this new guy's friendship with your ex will cause problems, and he has expressed his concerns to you. It seems to me he's already having second thoughts.

Just let it go and find someone who isn't connected to you in any way.

Dery · 30/03/2026 07:44

It sounds like you’ve only seen each other twice in 6 weeks which doesn’t sound like much to me.

I think messaging creates a false intimacy and to be honest i would feel very pressured by someone who wanted a certain level of messaging and fast responses such as you describe before you’re even in a relationship. He doesn’t owe you anything. Perhaps that’s because i’m 56 and grew into adulthood long before messaging was a thing. I would rather save the chat for a date.

It’s disappointing for you that he’s keeping you at arm’s length because he knows your ex but i understand his position. In his shoes, i would probably take the same approach unless i was totally crazy about you. Unfortunately, it looks like he’s not sufficiently interested to want to weather that storm and like this isn’t going anywhere.

Anonanonanonagain · 30/03/2026 08:42

I think you need to give yourself more time to be single rather than jumping into another relationship regardless of who this guy is as checking his social media, noting what he views or posts is very much stalker type territory and you are sounding a bit of an obsessive about this. I say this as someone who also has adhd and sometimes we can obsess about things and people but it is not healthy so I strongly think you need time to be by yourself and get to heal from your past relationship first.

Catza · 30/03/2026 08:48

You have to options for the next move.

  1. Give him a call and talk to him. Are you officially dating? If not, say clearly that that's what you would like and if he doesn't want that, step away. If you are officially dating, express your communication needs clearly. If he is not able to meet them, step away.
  2. Do absolutely nothing.

The fact that you are spiraling tells me that this relationship is not going well either way. But it's your choice what to do about it.
And no, nobody is so busy that they can't send you a quick text to say they are busy and will get back to you this evening/tomorrow/in a week...

TikTokker · 30/03/2026 08:51

WhatsApp has stories?! I never knew that! I don’t think he’s fussed OP

CloudPop · 30/03/2026 12:56

TikTokker · 30/03/2026 08:51

WhatsApp has stories?! I never knew that! I don’t think he’s fussed OP

Also never heard of WhatsApp stories !

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