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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Where to start..

20 replies

PekaPeka · 29/03/2026 16:48

Where can a single mum find a decent guy for a relationship? My only choice will be online as I don’t have much of a social life and dont meet people in real life. Any apps you recommend and any to avoid? Also tips to avoid men just looking for sex? Thanks

OP posts:
SillyJilly2020 · 29/03/2026 17:57

Badoo and bumble are largly free, most ppl are there for hook ups . My advice wld be dont meet quickly and dont put out, if the guy turns the convo sexual quickly tell him you arnt like that. If it doesn't happen quick thoes type lose intrest and stop responding

OriginalSkang · 29/03/2026 17:59

Avoid any apps where people can message you without you actually matching (like Badoo, Plenty of Fish, Match etc)

NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 17:59

First rule of thumb - NEVER tell those on a dating site you have children until a few dates in (it avoids the unimaginable if you catch my drift!).
secondly, posting modest, unfiltered photos of yourself would attract the “decent” guy I would say rather than the sex crazed fools

PekaPeka · 29/03/2026 18:01

I will be mentioning i have children on my profile as I don’t want to lie about that and know it’s a deal breaker for a lot of men, I just won’t be mentioning anything about them.

OP posts:
PekaPeka · 29/03/2026 18:02

SillyJilly2020 · 29/03/2026 17:57

Badoo and bumble are largly free, most ppl are there for hook ups . My advice wld be dont meet quickly and dont put out, if the guy turns the convo sexual quickly tell him you arnt like that. If it doesn't happen quick thoes type lose intrest and stop responding

Dont meet quickly? That seems to be the opposite of the advice I always see is meeting as quickly as possible?

OP posts:
SillyJilly2020 · 29/03/2026 18:03

Meeting quickly is for sex in my experince. Which is fine if thats what you want.

TheThingOnTheIce · 29/03/2026 18:05

Yep I also disagree op
meet quickly to avoid building a false bond over text
and if you’re looking for a proper relationship then you need to disclose that you have children as I’d expect them to. Obviously you just don’t let them meet said children for a good while.

StudyinBlue · 29/03/2026 18:06

PekaPeka · 29/03/2026 18:02

Dont meet quickly? That seems to be the opposite of the advice I always see is meeting as quickly as possible?

Yes. I think you should meet quickly. Just a quick coffee or something otherwise you can get sucked into a pseudo relationship with someone who has no intention of meeting up for a multitude of reasons. Or you waste a load of time chatting to someone that when you meet have nothing in common with or they’ve used heavily filtered or out of date photos and you just don’t fancy them.

PekaPeka · 29/03/2026 18:07

TheThingOnTheIce · 29/03/2026 18:05

Yep I also disagree op
meet quickly to avoid building a false bond over text
and if you’re looking for a proper relationship then you need to disclose that you have children as I’d expect them to. Obviously you just don’t let them meet said children for a good while.

Yeah I will definitely be mentioning it up front as I know it puts most men off so dont want to waste my time

OP posts:
TheThingOnTheIce · 29/03/2026 18:09

PekaPeka · 29/03/2026 18:07

Yeah I will definitely be mentioning it up front as I know it puts most men off so dont want to waste my time

Exactly

TheThingOnTheIce · 29/03/2026 18:10

I found Hinge was the least scary app .

NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 18:11

PekaPeka · 29/03/2026 18:01

I will be mentioning i have children on my profile as I don’t want to lie about that and know it’s a deal breaker for a lot of men, I just won’t be mentioning anything about them.

That’s totally your call. Just be mindful some men target women just because of their children. Please don’t let me scare you by saying that I am merely advising and asking you to be mindful, while I trust you will be.

OneShyQuail · 29/03/2026 18:20

Disagree with a lot of advice here tbh and I had a lot of OLD success in terms of matches, no cat fishing, decent guys, not after sex etc. Altho I met my DP in the wild lol so obviously not thst successful OLD but I had no disasters!

I was also a mum with young kids.
Here's my advice

Be honest on your profile about what you want and dont want.
Know your boundaries and values before you create a profile.
Dont lower your standards or values.
Be honest with your pictures too (no filters)
Chat for around 48 hours. Hopefully the man suggests the date (men lead with intention if interested)
If after 48 hours of chat there is no mention of a date set one up. Make it a day date with coffee etc and keep it short.
If they bail or are flaky or you cant pin them down to meet, ditch them. You don't want a pen pal.

If you cannot get a date organised within 2 weeks bin it off. It will never work.

Mention children yes. Thats it. Dont overstate anything.

Dont ever ever invite anyone back to your house til you are at least 6 months in a committed relationship (that house is your childrend home)
Dont introduce the kids til a year has passed.

OLD is savage. You need to be strong and know your worth.

Consider everyone a stranger til at least date 4..

Finally dont go off words, anyone can say or be anything online. Go off actions.
If a man wants you he will move heaven and earth and you will not be left feeling confused.

Good luck!

PekaPeka · 29/03/2026 18:24

OneShyQuail · 29/03/2026 18:20

Disagree with a lot of advice here tbh and I had a lot of OLD success in terms of matches, no cat fishing, decent guys, not after sex etc. Altho I met my DP in the wild lol so obviously not thst successful OLD but I had no disasters!

I was also a mum with young kids.
Here's my advice

Be honest on your profile about what you want and dont want.
Know your boundaries and values before you create a profile.
Dont lower your standards or values.
Be honest with your pictures too (no filters)
Chat for around 48 hours. Hopefully the man suggests the date (men lead with intention if interested)
If after 48 hours of chat there is no mention of a date set one up. Make it a day date with coffee etc and keep it short.
If they bail or are flaky or you cant pin them down to meet, ditch them. You don't want a pen pal.

If you cannot get a date organised within 2 weeks bin it off. It will never work.

Mention children yes. Thats it. Dont overstate anything.

Dont ever ever invite anyone back to your house til you are at least 6 months in a committed relationship (that house is your childrend home)
Dont introduce the kids til a year has passed.

OLD is savage. You need to be strong and know your worth.

Consider everyone a stranger til at least date 4..

Finally dont go off words, anyone can say or be anything online. Go off actions.
If a man wants you he will move heaven and earth and you will not be left feeling confused.

Good luck!

This is great advice thanks

OP posts:
NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 18:25

OneShyQuail · 29/03/2026 18:20

Disagree with a lot of advice here tbh and I had a lot of OLD success in terms of matches, no cat fishing, decent guys, not after sex etc. Altho I met my DP in the wild lol so obviously not thst successful OLD but I had no disasters!

I was also a mum with young kids.
Here's my advice

Be honest on your profile about what you want and dont want.
Know your boundaries and values before you create a profile.
Dont lower your standards or values.
Be honest with your pictures too (no filters)
Chat for around 48 hours. Hopefully the man suggests the date (men lead with intention if interested)
If after 48 hours of chat there is no mention of a date set one up. Make it a day date with coffee etc and keep it short.
If they bail or are flaky or you cant pin them down to meet, ditch them. You don't want a pen pal.

If you cannot get a date organised within 2 weeks bin it off. It will never work.

Mention children yes. Thats it. Dont overstate anything.

Dont ever ever invite anyone back to your house til you are at least 6 months in a committed relationship (that house is your childrend home)
Dont introduce the kids til a year has passed.

OLD is savage. You need to be strong and know your worth.

Consider everyone a stranger til at least date 4..

Finally dont go off words, anyone can say or be anything online. Go off actions.
If a man wants you he will move heaven and earth and you will not be left feeling confused.

Good luck!

Wow that’s great advice. You may have persuaded me to rejoin😂

PekaPeka · 29/03/2026 23:21

Any particular apps you use? I keep hearing people to say not to use the apps but it’s so difficult to actually meet men in real life!! The apps serve a purpose

OP posts:
ForTipsyFinch · 30/03/2026 00:12

I don’t think it matters - most have profiles across multiple apps, and you need to filter through tons of undesirable profiles no matter which app.

Men who mention sex/ heavily focused on physical appearance should be blocked the first time they do it. That goes a long way in weeding out the undatable f boys.

PekaPeka · 30/03/2026 00:19

ah see I’ve heard stuff like tinder is just for sex so wondered if that applied to any other apps

OP posts:
OneShyQuail · 30/03/2026 16:39

NeedingASafeSpace · 29/03/2026 18:25

Wow that’s great advice. You may have persuaded me to rejoin😂

Happy to help ☺️

OneShyQuail · 30/03/2026 16:39

PekaPeka · 30/03/2026 00:19

ah see I’ve heard stuff like tinder is just for sex so wondered if that applied to any other apps

I used Hinge

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