How do you get over heartbreak?

[pocketsmile]

How do you get over the despair? The emotion taking over every party of your life. 9 year relationship. Baby involved. Ended due to not been happy

survive, just keep existing.

It’s horrendous pain, true heartbreak. It’s grief that someone has made a choice to inflict upon you, even if that someone is you.

Time is a healer, though not linear. The main advice I would give is to feel the feelings, but really keep on your mind the reality of what something was. It’s easy to get swept up in not wanting the end, and romanticising the whole situation. Really acknowledge the real experiences you had, the discomfort and incompatibilities etc.

How long has it been? You say there is a baby involved. He’s left you very suddenly after one of the most vulnerable, exposing and exhausting life experiences a human being can have? Utilise that to harness that he isn’t a man you need, or would want, to be your significant person.

Sorry I should have said toddler not baby however it's been very clear that my mental health hasn't been the same since DS was born.

There isn't any fix. Just time. You have to go through it to come out the other end brighter and lighter. This time next year you won't recognise yourself. In the meantime, go easy on yourself, make life simple, do whatever makes you happy and enjoy the small things. Treat yourself, get fit. Level up. Do whatever you please.

I'm finding work particularly difficult. The emotions take over and I'm just sobbing and sobbing and it's not really a job I can do that

I'll disagree with posters so far. Time is not a healer. The work you do in that time is - acknowledging your emotions, taking your ex off the pedestal, asking yourself some difficult questions about what led you to the situation (not only leaving but also building a life with someone who was clearly not compatible with you), addressing your mental health. Without this work you can pass time and be less emotional but still carry the very same patterns into your future relationships.
More importantly, accept that the relationship is over because most of the times one spends months in a rabbit hole of hoping things will magically fix themselves and you'll be back together. They won't. The relationship is over. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can start the process of moving forward.

I’m in the same position OP.

I was in a relationship for only a year but I thought it might be forever. I absolutely adored him, although I knew he was avoidant. He ended it somewhat out of the blue 3 months ago.

I’m still struggling, although I do have some better days now. Today has been bad and I’ve been crying again most of the day.

I’m self employed and trying to work is a nightmare.

My new tactic is to try to pretend he never existed. I’m not sure if that’s healthy or not.

I feel your pain.