My partner of four years left me for someone else

[Tryingmum456]

So over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed my partner had become really mean to me and would pick at everything I did.

On Tuesday, he went to work and left his phone on accident, I went through it and saw he was talking a few different woman. When he got home, he asked me if I had been through his phone and did I deleted this specific woman’s number from it. I was absolutely shocked in that moment. I can’t believe he would just asked me like that.

i told him to leave, which ended in me being insulted and him refusing to leave for 2 hours. I eventually got him to leave and have blocked him on everything. We have a 3 year old together. Ive told his mum, when it comes to our child, we can go through her. I’ve heard through mutual friends he was on a date with his other woman last night.

im so heartbroken. I haven’t eaten a proper meal since Tuesday. I’ve been so loyal to him and I can’t believe he would do this to me.

Please tell me it gets better. I feel sick constantly.

I'm so sorry. He's a rat and a scumbag and in the long term you're better off without him.

You deserve a trustworthy loyal faithful man. In fact you don't need a man at all to be happy. Focus on all the things you didn't do for yourself.

Your hobbies, friends, parties, learning, travel, pampering, therapy, exercise, trying new things...embrace the future. I guarantee your life will improve without wasting it on a cheat. X

It will get better but you need to keep reminding yourself of what he is. It’s cliche but you have to be strong and keep telling yourself that you’re better off without him even though it feels like you aren’t. There will be times you’ll miss him, what you had, think about the ifs and what could have been but ultimately he has lied to you, disrespected you and severed the trust you had. I have been through being cheated on, I have a 9 month old baby with him. He was cheating on me all throughout my pregnancy which I “knew” anyway but he always denied it. He slept with someone 2 weeks before our baby was born. He was back and forth messaging women from the day our daughter born. I had to tell him to delete certain women from his phone and social media or we’d be done and yet there was always something else and then something else. He gave me an sti when our baby was 9 weeks old and kept trying to go back messaging all these women still. In the end I got rid of him and wished I had done it sooner. It’s been hard, lonely and all the rest but it is the right choice. It’s absolutely crazy (for me anyway) to keep going back because again in my case he’d never change. Just keep telling yourself you don’t deserve this childish disrespectful behaviour and focus on yourself. In time it will be okay. Just don’t let the emotions take over and go back to him for comfort/ intimacy as it’ll be like starting all over again with trying to get over him and move on x

Thank you both for taking time to reply. I’d never go back I’m just absolutely devastated.

Would commence a child maintenance claim for his child.

I would also consider using the courts rather then his mother (whose loyalty is to him) re access to his child.

Yep hes told me hes not paying a dime for our son. When I kicked him out.

What a sad sack shit of a man. Don’t think much of the woman on the date with him, either…
You will feel heartbroken and sick and angry.
But there are SO many women who have posted on here who have been where you are now, and only one I ever read who couldn’t move on. I think she was close to 70 and had been married for decades.
Every other woman, in time, felt better and freer in the end, and glad they didn’t have to put up with this crap.
He will no doubt carry on cheating his way through life. He hasn’t given your little one another thought.
But you have, that precious child of yours comes first. You are worth so much more.

It will get better , hold your head high and know your worth , you did exactly the right thing , don’t put up with any of his crap , be ready for when he does the ‘ I’ve made a huge mistake please take me back ‘ she he realises the grass isn’t greener and how good he had it with you , sending hugs for the sad days , do things that make you happy , pamper yourself , be glad you don’t have to share the remote for the tv or share the bed with the fool any more , his loss lovely x

Im literally crying as I read these replies, I know he’s awful and I hate him but somehow I still love him. I don’t want to care anymore

I'm so sorry OP 😞 you've done the right thing - he is not who you thought he was. Have you got support from family and friends? Lean on them and give yourself time, you've had an awful shock.

Please try and eat a little - you need to keep your strength up. Try a little toast, soup, thinly sliced apple or pear, a few rich tea biscuits to nibble. You don't have to have big meals, try and eat little and often. Look after yourself lovely 💐

It will take time but know that you will be happy again one day, there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there.

It's a cliche but all you need at the moment is to get through today. Then you get through tomorrow, and then the next day. You keep eating small portions of calorie rich food so you have energy for your baby. And very soon it will hurt less and you will start to be able to stand outside of and manage something that I learned recently is called betrayal trauma. It's very much worth looking into.

There will not be one day of his life where he is better off for not having you in it, or seeing his child grow up as a loving and active parent in the home. But you will be richer and happier every single day once you have had room to breathe, and your child will sense that you are happier, and the two of you will be bonny and thrive together. Promise

This time next year, you'll look back at this and be so grateful he showed his colours now and not in another 5 years. I'm sorry you're going through this

You’re grieving who you thought you had not who you actually had. And one day your head and heart will catch up with eachother and you’ll realise he’s not the man you thought you loved. Get your cms claim in straight away and sort a schedule for him to have your son to give you time to pull yourself back together. You’ll be fine op, look after yourself and your baby. You don’t need a cheating scumbag in Your life

Another one who doesn’t realise he has no say in this, a judge decides and if he doesn’t pay his employers are told to deduct the money from his paycheck and it is sent to you

Sorry you’re going through this. Stay strong. Move to be near family if that would help?
Don’t deal with him via his mum re child arrangements as she will believe anything he tells her. Stay away from anyone who could manipulate you.

You will manage. Time is the only real healer. 6 months of heartbreak and then your life will suddenly feel a lot more positive. Good luck, you can do this.

You are grieving the loss of your relationship and the life you thought you had , nothing harder than grieving someone who is still alive . I ended my marriage as he was controlling and it then moved on to trying to control the kids , I cried for a month . Even though it was my choice I was still bereft and didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel , in 6 months time you will see this was the best thing that could have happened and you will wonder why you put up with him for as long as you did. Stay strong this feeling is temporary and you deserve so much better x

Yes, it does get better. It'll take a while before you feel "normal" again, but you will. You'll be so glad that you're rid of him and you and your little one will be happy.

It's important to eat something. Try soup. Eat crackers, cereal, bananas, something to give you some nourishment, and plenty of water

I know everyone on here says that children aren't 'pay per view' but imo he shouldn't get to cherry pick the parts of parenting that he likes. So if he didn't pay proper child support, he'd not be seeing my child unless he took me to court.
And yy, to not going through his mum!

Hi op sorry this has happened to you. You will get through it. If he doesn’t pay you any money for his kid he or his family don’t see him. Your not here to controlled by this selfish twat he wanted his cake and eat it . Op he’s angry at getting caught out he’s not sorry is he? The love will eventually die off you will see him for who he really is. He’s not man enough to tell you he’s not happy he is not worthy of you let him have his other woman but he will be sorry when you don’t let him dictate to you. I hope you have your own home.

You seem to be giving him mixed signals. You need to make a choice on whether you want to make things work as friends for the sake of the child, or have him out of your life and custody for the child.