Ghosted

[Lou1570]

I feel so stupid was seeing a guy for past month been on around 10 dates and been talking everyday for 2 months every date we got on really well and he was affectionate. He did tell me right at the start he had been offered a job abroad which I knew so I did know it probably wasn't going anywhere but we agreed to keep seeing each other till he went which wasnt for over another month. Thing is I do have major trust issues and haven't dated since my ex cheated on me when my son was a baby so have been on my own almost 12 years, so to even meet up with the guy was a big thing for me. Then poof he was gone no contact again. I feel stupid, angry and confused. How can people be so cruel 😢

It does really hurt when this happens but what I realised is that it’s not about you, it’s his inability to communicate properly and have uncomfortable conversations - it reflects on him not you - and you don’t want to be with someone who can’t have uncomfortable conversations so it’s overall for the best.
Also if this is how he can act knowing it will hurt then he was never as good as you thought he was and this is the reality of who he is.

No advice but solidarity.
Matched with a guy, really good, open conversations, 3 weeks of talking then the day we were meant to meet…disappeared.

Reconnected after 2, talked about what happened. 3 dates, last one being Tuesday night, 2 messages on Wednesday morning and nothing since.

Logically I know it says everything about him, is a reflection of him and not me but it’s still painful when you were feeling hopeful 😢

Trusting that he’s done me a favour and created space for the right man but it’s still hard.

Unfortunately this seems to be much more prevalent now than it used to be, particularly when it is so easy to send a quick text to explain.
It is not reflection on you OP and just a reflection on them as being emotionally immature and cowardly.
The key thing is to not let him come back or get back in touch and pick back up where he left off, as he has shown you who he is now.

It is horrible when this happens @Lou1570 but please know that you have dodged a bullet.

This person shouldn't have been dating anyone when he was about to move abroad. That is really questionable behaviour in my opinion. You have to wonder what his motives were.

Online dating is brutal and there are lots of people out there looking to take advantage of those who are kind and generous hearted. Have a look at things like the Burnt Haystack method and youtube videos by Matthew Hussey and all the other dating coaches for good tips on how to weed out dodgy characters.

Agree with the above poster, he shouldn't have been dating so close to moving abroad, if he is actually moving abroad at all, and it isn't just a line...

I doubt he has ever planned to move and gave himself an early out. People like that sometimes avoid the guilt such as, "Well, I told her this was temporary and she was all in, so ...." I bet he poured the love bombing on full force, and that he never let you see where he lives. In the future, since your goal is likely longterm, don't accept dating someone who says he might be moving, nor guys who spout warning labels, such as "I'm not good enough for you." Believe them because they know themselves better than anyone.

As for your emotional baggage, don't date until you risk it. It's not fair for a man to pay the price for crimes someone in your past committed. Also, it's not fun for a man to look in your eyes and see fear there. There are not guarantees, but you can do your best by vetting wisely. Have a must-have list and dealbreaker list and stick to it. And then practice resiliency, knowing you will survive no matter the outcome. Better to take risks than to be alone, since companionship is your goal. Good luck!

I've ghosted and been ghosted. It's horrible, but life goes on. It has to, and you'll get over it.