Background is: DH and I have 2 DC aged 5 and 8. We both work FT and I’d objectively say my job is more intense than his, although I know it isn’t a race to the bottom. I frustratingly also do 90% of ‘life admin’ and cleaning jobs. DH doesn’t seem to see mess and can happily sit in an untidy room whereas I get stressed. He needs me to compile a list of jobs in order to know what to do and I can’t be bothered so tend to just do it myself, it’s easier and quicker (he also takes forever to do basic shit). It’s irritating but I’ve learnt to live with it.
A couple of years ago he persuaded work to pay for him to do an MBA. We both already have masters degrees (and me a PhD) but he saw this as an opportunity to increase his salary and lifetime earning potential. Since it was PT, we both naively assumed the workload would be slightly lower than our FT masters a few years ago. Wrong. It’s far, far more intense despite being PT. He seems to have random spurts of multiple deadlines where he’ll be locked away for weeks completing them so every evening and most of the weekend is taken up by this. He’s also constantly stressed and tense and not very fun to be around.
At the minute he has 3 deadlines in the same week so he’s been working on those for the past couple of months. It’s going to get worse as well, he has a dissertation that would have been 10k words had he opted to do it as part of a group like everyone else but he wanted to do his own niche project so it’s 30k words… He has other deadlines between too.
I can’t really stand being around him. I have my own work deadlines and am also stressed but I try my best not to bring this home and to give DC the attention they need and deserve. He doesn’t have the same work/life separation I do. I will not reply to emails outside of work hours, I actually log out of my work email once I’m done whereas he will complete extra work tasks when at home and he never switches his work phone off.
I guess my overall question is how much of a bitch I am to resent him for this? He didn’t run it past me first either, he just asked work then told me when they’d agreed to it. It’s worth noting the industry he works in is not remotely related to the MBA. They agreed to it because currently he is one of three staff who are degree educated and the only one with a masters. The country where HQ is based have higher levels of degree educated people so they value this far more and almost all of the staff there have a degree. DH is subsequently wheeled out as the ‘clever one’ who can level with people at HQ when they get together.
He’s seen as fairly indispensable so they just agree to anything he asks, often blindly. I’m not convinced they realise what an MBA is, or that DH will most likely leave when it’s over to get a higher paid role… Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I should also say that I fully understand why he’s doing it, and that he feels it will lead to great places. I know him though and know where it’s going. I think he’ll take on a way higher workload and be even less present but he’ll justify it because, money.