Is this normal behaviour from husband ?

[Amioverthinkingthis]

I am CRINGING inside out writing this but I need to know if this kind of behaviour is normal in a marriage. Is makes me feel ever so slightly uncomfortable and despite telling DH many times he can’t seem to help himself or change his behaviour. I mentioned to a friend recently and she said it was icky. I can’t think of anywhere else to get a range of opinions without surveying my mates in real life which would make me die of embarrassment!

• He seems unable to give me a hug or cuddle without touching my boobs or bum in some way
• if I initiate a cuddle in bed he will immediately put his hands on me under my pjs unless I specifically say ‘can I have a hug but don’t make it sexual’
• If I say no thanks he acts like it physically pains him, in a kind of jokey way
• sometimes he is so horny he claims he can’t sleep

I feel like I’m saying , no , not today, get off almost on a daily basis. We have a regular sex life, few times a week, but it doesn’t seem enough for him. He’s always trying his luck! When I speak to him about it he says omg you are making out like I’m some kind of pervert for thinking my wife is sexy. Am I unreasonable for expecting at least some physical attention which is not sexual?! We’ve been together 13 years when will this wear off 😂

opinions please

Sounds like my ex, I couldn't get a cuddle without a grope involved, couldn't get changed without him walking in the room and announcing 'boobies' like a fucking teenager, and he started sorting himself in bed next to me whilst I was sleeping. It was grim. He also watched porn daily and I think it added to it, the constant need. Spoke to him numerous times how I felt like I was just boobs, bum and bits to him and it made me feel shit, nothing ever changed

It killed any desire I had for him in the end

Your husband is a coercive sex pest who treats you like an object. He's threatened you with cheating if you don't have sex with him when he demands it. That's no joke.

he also sees to himself, as it were (cringe) , right next to me in bed and then starts begging me to get involved

Very coercive behaviour that crosses the border into sexual abuse. He's making his sexual gratification your problem. You can't sleep or even relax in bed.

I think he's abusive. Nothing will kill your sex drive faster than having sex you don't want to have. He doesn't recognize you have body autonomy, he feels entitled to use of your body on demand.

No, this behaviour is not going to change. It comes from misogyny and deep entitlement and he's not going to change his core self.

If you don't want to live with your body not bring your own and the deep disrespect from him that fuels this, get your ducks in order, see a lawyer, and leave.

My DH has become increasingly like this lately - every time we are alone in the house (eg when he works from home) he is all over me, but like you I’d like hugs and cuddles that are jot a prelude to sex. Am slightly dreading when youngest leaves home for uni later this year as we’ll be alone in the house all the time. I feel guilty as post meno I have no interest at all (actually anorgasmic and not been helped by HRT) and I do feel 2x a week should be enough. Difficult to navigate but I do feel your pain (annoyance).