I'd like to ask for the perspective of MN regarding a situation I currently find myself in. I've been in a casual, friends-with-benefits relationship with a younger man for just shy of a year. I'm 53 and he is 33. When I embarked on this, I thought it was going to just be a casual thing, without any real possibility of it developing into a serious relationship. I was previously in an unhappy relationship with XH, who I divorced from at 49. This younger man who I'm currently involved with, who I think is wonderful, became a part of my life at a time when I was at a bit of low ebb in terms of confidence and overall happiness. I met him on an app. I had no experience of casual relationships before getting involved with him - I've only ever had long-term, traditional relationships. I have been meeting up with him once a week on average since May last year. We started out meeting in hotels, but we have since been going to each other's houses and frequently sleeping overnight together. The only thing I can say about the sex, without it being too steamy for MN, is that he is magnificent in the bedroom. He is very passionate, and he has shown me every time I've been with him that my pleasure is a very high priority for him. He makes the earth move for me whenever we are in bed together. It was never like that with XH or any men I was intimate with when I was younger. He is also very affectionate and appreciative of me before, during and after we DTD.
For me, it's become more than "just sex" and I've been developing strong feelings for him. Aside from the sex being great, he has been lovely to me outside of that. An example of this is that I'm currently in the early stages of menopause. He knows what it is and he hasn't been put off by this at all. I have had hot flashes a couple of times when we've been together, and he's fanned the back of my neck until it passes. He has also fixed a few things for me around the house for free that would have been a hassle for me to sort myself. He's a lovely kisser as well. I have told a close friend about him and what's been going on between us, and she will jokingly ask me things like "How are things with the toyboy?" 😄. I have never seen him as a toyboy though. In all honesty, I would love to be in an actual, traditional relationship with him. I think about him a lot even when we aren't together. He has said he thinks about me a lot too. He has variously described me as confident, classy and gorgeous, when we have been together and in texts. I am very flattered by his compliments. We text each other a lot during the week. I really look forward to seeing him and feel energised and excited whenever I'm with him.
Aside from the sex, we get along really well in general. Is this limerence or could it be more than that? Am I foolish to think this could ever be more than a casual thing? I'm a bit torn between continuing as we are and trying to suppress my feelings, or telling him and seeing if he feels the same way and would be open to having a serious, committed relationship.