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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Spouse work relationships

7 replies

Kl86 · 26/03/2026 17:42

Gut feeling not comfortable about husband and his female colleague. I trust him and here are no signs of anything between them yet. They have worked in the same group the last 3 years. Sometimes give each other lifts to/from work events, though he does that with everyone. Every couple of months or so he goes out with bunch of workmates she's often there too, they message at times but he usually shares most messages and most of the times its do with our daughter and hers who are friends and the same age. Was going to take the kids over one afternoon to see him on his lunch break then he told me he's going to the park with her for lunch. He has been out for lunch with other male colleagues before and at times another female colleague with his other workmate there too.

The last free times I've been out with her she seems uneasy or avoidant, with him there and without, she doesn't chat as much, moves on to someone or something else regularly and only looks straight at me briefly and something feels off. Maybe she has a crush on him or he's been confiding personal things to her, I don't know. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
SillyJilly2020 · 26/03/2026 19:12

If you trust him why does it matter?

scrambledangle · 26/03/2026 20:11

Sounds like a normal friendship suported by the kids friendship.

OchreRaven · 26/03/2026 20:23

It sounds like you are relaxed with him having friendships with other female colleagues but this one has thrown you because of her change in behaviour where she now seems uncomfortable around you.

Trust your gut. Something is making her uncomfortable. But doesn’t mean they’re having an affair. It could be a crush that she has no intention of exploring but her guilt makes her avoid you. It could be that he’s having an affair with someone else and she knows about it. Or it could be he’s moaned about your relationship and she now has a negative view of you.

You can either investigate, ask him outright if he has noticed and judge his reaction or if you trust your husband not to cheat just accept you might never know why she is uncomfortable.

AnonAnonmystery · 26/03/2026 21:56

Trust your gut. If something isn’t right, it isn’t right.

Kl86 · 27/03/2026 06:50

SillyJilly2020 · 26/03/2026 19:12

If you trust him why does it matter?

Good point.. Maybe I don't? I'm thinking he doesn't see it but I do. It's possible he has a crush on her too and won't act on it, if they spend more time together it could grow. She will initiate something and I'm not sure he would respond even if he does like her too. Maybe she's a flirt and/unsatisfied in her marriage so she is looking for any man open to her advances. It's her I don't trust, I feel he has more common sense than to do anything so I guess im not comfortable with her thinking she can get too comfortable with him

OP posts:
Kl86 · 27/03/2026 07:29

Around christmas time we bumped into her when we were out with our 3 month and 3 year old, and she blurted that it must be nice for me to get out of the house for my work christmas do since I don't get out much. Then she looked like she realised she was divulging information she shouldnt( she generally cannot keep information to herself). I don't see her that much for her to know details of my social life so he must have been telling her.
When I asked him why she mentioned it he got angry.

I also feel that since we have 2 kids our time together has been so limited, hardly no dates, we do things separately so one of us looks after the kids. He will go off and have fun with his workmates and she will be there. And society is set up so people spend more time at work than home so maybe our relationship is slipping.

I also feel that if an emotional affair has
started I'm resentful towards him and maybe we are better off without each other. Processing this and still not entirely sure how I feel. Most times the kids are taking up my head space and I don't get a lot of time to think

OP posts:
Kl86 · 27/03/2026 07:36

OchreRaven · 26/03/2026 20:23

It sounds like you are relaxed with him having friendships with other female colleagues but this one has thrown you because of her change in behaviour where she now seems uncomfortable around you.

Trust your gut. Something is making her uncomfortable. But doesn’t mean they’re having an affair. It could be a crush that she has no intention of exploring but her guilt makes her avoid you. It could be that he’s having an affair with someone else and she knows about it. Or it could be he’s moaned about your relationship and she now has a negative view of you.

You can either investigate, ask him outright if he has noticed and judge his reaction or if you trust your husband not to cheat just accept you might never know why she is uncomfortable.

Exactly this, I am thinking of bringing up her awkwardness maybe the next time we see her I can point it out soon afterwards when the kids go to bed and see where the conversation goes. I shared a post about something else I realised and I always ignored the uncomfortable feeling I had when they are both at a work party. I was always quietly relieved at the ones she couldn't turn up to. Now she is behaving like this I'm not ignoring these feelings anymore.

OP posts:
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