Around 5 months ago I posted a thread about having found my friend's husband's profile on Bumble. It was an old profile but it seemed to be 'active' as his current address was showing.
At the time I told my friend about it, and it all seemed to be a misunderstanding, he had a Bumble BFF profile, they were fine and I let it go. He even thanked me for bringing it to her attention.
I had misgivings but it's not my business anyway. I get on well with the guy and was happy/hopeful that was the end of it. Well, my friend just called me because her husbands former lover contacted her and said her husband asked her for 'fun'. He'd met her a few days before for a (non erotic) massage - she's a masseuse. This was behind my friends back.
The reason I'm posting is I am messed up about this. I'm going through my own breakup at the moment and not feeling 100% steady. My own situation probably was for the best but is still exhausting. My ex is a 'fearful avoidant' attachment so there was a lot of push and pull. It's tiring. My friend is wondering if her marriage can be saved - can this guy change? He's 39. I don't think people change easily, neither does she. She's upset she is going to have to put in the work to fix things, if it is going to be fixed, as he won't take the lead on therapy etc on his own
Why are things so often this way? She's my closest friend, and I thought they were an example of a happy marriage. He always seems so loving towards her. Cooks for her and her friends. Dotes on her.
I'm really sad right now in general and I guess wanted to vent, hear from people. Also to hear that it doesn't have to be this way, that it doesn't always have to be so damn hard and complicated in relationship with men.