Best friend has gone quiet?

RedFoxGirl · 2026-03-25T16:01:40+00:00

I don't know if I am over thinking things, I have a friend who I would call my best friend I tell them everything and always felt they tell me everything to. We have been friends for a long time and would go on girly holidays and at least text everyday even just to check in, neither of us have many other friends. She started seeing someone new and I get a new relationship is all about your new person but I know he works away so she is still free a lot of the time so don't think it is that. I have tried quite a lot of times to arrange a meet up or a visit and there is always a reason she can't and now I have found she is not responding to any of my messages. I don't think I have done anything to offend her or annoy her and normally she is the person if you had she would pull you on it. I suffer a lot with anxiety and depression and this isn't helping, I was going to just land at her house or contact her sister to see if everything is ok, I have sent my friend a message asking if she is ok but again it was not replied to. It really hurts to think it wasn't a real friendship and just there until better came along. I am also worried there is something wrong and if I just call she might appreciate that.

plims · 25/03/2026 16:04

Do not just turn up at her house.

When you say you have been contacting her a lot, is it possible that she is finding it too much? You say you tell her everything, have you been putting a lot on her?

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 16:08

Give her some space.

Original poster

RedFoxGirl · 25/03/2026 16:24

plims · 25/03/2026 16:04

Do not just turn up at her house.

When you say you have been contacting her a lot, is it possible that she is finding it too much? You say you tell her everything, have you been putting a lot on her?

when I say quite a lot I mean over the past 6 or 7 months not all in a week or a day or even 2 weeks, I just meant its not 1 message and then wait a month then another, no we had both be in very good places in our lives, I just meant the wee things we don't talk to a partner or parent about to the big things we don't want anyone else knowing from the fun things to the serious things

OP posts:

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 16:29

RedFoxGirl · 25/03/2026 16:24

when I say quite a lot I mean over the past 6 or 7 months not all in a week or a day or even 2 weeks, I just meant its not 1 message and then wait a month then another, no we had both be in very good places in our lives, I just meant the wee things we don't talk to a partner or parent about to the big things we don't want anyone else knowing from the fun things to the serious things

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But you say you suffer a lot with anxiety and depression, and that you don't have many other friends, and she was the one you told everything to. That sounds like quite a lot to put on a single friendship.

plims · 25/03/2026 16:36

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 16:29

But you say you suffer a lot with anxiety and depression, and that you don't have many other friends, and she was the one you told everything to. That sounds like quite a lot to put on a single friendship.

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I agree with this. It’s sounds like you were quite full on. I’ve had friendships like that in the past. Where the other person’s needs have sapped every bit of my emotional energy.

People don’t just cut contact for no reason. There is always a reason and it’s usually one the other person refuses to see.

TheAvidWriter · 25/03/2026 16:46

I would scale all texting down completely. Its clear she is not wanting to reach out for now. And that is something you will need to respect. Its not easy when she has been your only outlet and friendship, and of course this will set your anxiety off. But you will need to regulate that in as kind a way as you can possibly muster.
Whatever you do do not just turn up at her house.

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 16:52

TheAvidWriter · 25/03/2026 16:46

I would scale all texting down completely. Its clear she is not wanting to reach out for now. And that is something you will need to respect. Its not easy when she has been your only outlet and friendship, and of course this will set your anxiety off. But you will need to regulate that in as kind a way as you can possibly muster.
Whatever you do do not just turn up at her house.

Yes, and try to expand your horizons socially a bit. It's too much for one person, be they a spouse/partner or a friend, to be someone's sole confidant/e and emotional outlet.

Original poster

RedFoxGirl · 25/03/2026 17:00

plims · 25/03/2026 16:36

I agree with this. It’s sounds like you were quite full on. I’ve had friendships like that in the past. Where the other person’s needs have sapped every bit of my emotional energy.

People don’t just cut contact for no reason. There is always a reason and it’s usually one the other person refuses to see.

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Actually it was her that would text in a day if I had been busy with work and hadnt been in touch and when I had my mental breakdown she was nowhere to be seen but at that time I didn't notice the distance because I was trying to heal, I have other friends who I can talk to I don't dump all my stuff on her as you are suggesting, we had lots of laughs and both of us are people who don't like energy suckers I am very aware of them and have moved away from people like that in the past myself, she has had issues in the past and disappeared so was actually worried it could be same this time and didn't want to abandon my friend
but also didn't want to be adding to it if there is something.

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Lizzbear · 25/03/2026 17:03

Oh op
Going through similar. Thought about turning up at her house but messaged instead. Got a reply. But still not sure if the friendship is ok. So I then sent another message. Don’t be me!!!
I do feel for you. I’d ask her sister first and if no luck, send her a message asking to talk?x

plims · 25/03/2026 17:05

RedFoxGirl · 25/03/2026 17:00

Actually it was her that would text in a day if I had been busy with work and hadnt been in touch and when I had my mental breakdown she was nowhere to be seen but at that time I didn't notice the distance because I was trying to heal, I have other friends who I can talk to I don't dump all my stuff on her as you are suggesting, we had lots of laughs and both of us are people who don't like energy suckers I am very aware of them and have moved away from people like that in the past myself, she has had issues in the past and disappeared so was actually worried it could be same this time and didn't want to abandon my friend
but also didn't want to be adding to it if there is something.

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You did say you told her “everything”, so you can see why pp and myself both came to that conclusion. So you didn’t tell her everything then?

pictoosh · 25/03/2026 17:27

plims · 25/03/2026 17:05

You did say you told her “everything”, so you can see why pp and myself both came to that conclusion. So you didn’t tell her everything then?

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I can't see why you came to that conclusion. The OP is describing a normal close friendship. Lots of people have friendships like this.

Tbh I don't because I'm not fan of frequent texting or daily/weekly contact with my friends...but it is common.

I don't know why you'd assume the OP is some sort of clinger. She doesn't sound that way to me. It sounds like a mutual dynamic that has suddenly halted.
It could well be that her friend would prefer a different dynamic now...but not seeing that OP has done anything wrong. You just imagined it.

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 18:00

pictoosh · 25/03/2026 17:27

I can't see why you came to that conclusion. The OP is describing a normal close friendship. Lots of people have friendships like this.

Tbh I don't because I'm not fan of frequent texting or daily/weekly contact with my friends...but it is common.

I don't know why you'd assume the OP is some sort of clinger. She doesn't sound that way to me. It sounds like a mutual dynamic that has suddenly halted.
It could well be that her friend would prefer a different dynamic now...but not seeing that OP has done anything wrong. You just imagined it.

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Not ‘wrong’, just not hat no one in their right mind wants to be someone’s sole emotional outlet, whether you’re their spouse or their friend. It’s far too much pressure on a single relationship.

As for example here — the usual advice would be to let the friend have some space and focus on your other friendships. The OP doesn’t have other friendships, so this withdrawal by her friend is causing her distress. Which suggests she’s over/reliant on it.

Original poster

RedFoxGirl · 25/03/2026 18:08

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 18:00

Not ‘wrong’, just not hat no one in their right mind wants to be someone’s sole emotional outlet, whether you’re their spouse or their friend. It’s far too much pressure on a single relationship.

As for example here — the usual advice would be to let the friend have some space and focus on your other friendships. The OP doesn’t have other friendships, so this withdrawal by her friend is causing her distress. Which suggests she’s over/reliant on it.

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I said we don't have MANY other friendships I didn't say we have none obviously I have more than one friend, I never said she was my sole emotional outlet, I have a husband, other friends and other family

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Original poster

RedFoxGirl · 25/03/2026 18:27

Lizzbear · 25/03/2026 17:03

Oh op
Going through similar. Thought about turning up at her house but messaged instead. Got a reply. But still not sure if the friendship is ok. So I then sent another message. Don’t be me!!!
I do feel for you. I’d ask her sister first and if no luck, send her a message asking to talk?x

Yeah I think I'll give it a week and if I hear nothing I'll check in with her sister, it's not nice when you know you have done nothing wrong, only thing I can think of is her new partners friends and their wealth means more to her.

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pictoosh · 25/03/2026 21:16

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 18:00

Not ‘wrong’, just not hat no one in their right mind wants to be someone’s sole emotional outlet, whether you’re their spouse or their friend. It’s far too much pressure on a single relationship.

As for example here — the usual advice would be to let the friend have some space and focus on your other friendships. The OP doesn’t have other friendships, so this withdrawal by her friend is causing her distress. Which suggests she’s over/reliant on it.

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Nah. She said earlier in the thread she has other friends.

It's normal to be distressed by something like this. Most of us would be anxious about a close friend going silent with no warning or explanation.

Think you're getting a bit carried away tbh.

Lizzbear · 26/03/2026 17:05

Any update op?

Original poster

RedFoxGirl · 03/04/2026 22:39

Lizzbear · 26/03/2026 17:05

Any update op?

She messaged to say she had a family member very ill and had been really overwhelmed with everything and broke her phone in the middle of it all and no time to get in and get it sorted, I just let her know I’m here and not forget to ask when she needs help.

OP posts:

Lizzbear · 03/04/2026 22:42

RedFoxGirl · 03/04/2026 22:39

She messaged to say she had a family member very ill and had been really overwhelmed with everything and broke her phone in the middle of it all and no time to get in and get it sorted, I just let her know I’m here and not forget to ask when she needs help.

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That has hopefully made you feel better, op x

RoughGuide · 03/04/2026 23:04

RedFoxGirl · 03/04/2026 22:39

She messaged to say she had a family member very ill and had been really overwhelmed with everything and broke her phone in the middle of it all and no time to get in and get it sorted, I just let her know I’m here and not forget to ask when she needs help.

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So, are you now feeling bad that your last comment was accusing her of dropping you because she was more interested in her new partner’s rich friends? Now that there’s an explanation that’s nothing at all to do with you?

swingingbytheseat · 03/04/2026 23:05

She’s probably in a relationship that’s a bit weird

Original poster

RedFoxGirl · 04/04/2026 11:32

RoughGuide · 03/04/2026 23:04

So, are you now feeling bad that your last comment was accusing her of dropping you because she was more interested in her new partner’s rich friends? Now that there’s an explanation that’s nothing at all to do with you?

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No because there has been other things which does actually point to that but I do want to know why you are constantly so rude every comment you have made on my post has been quite rude and you do not come across as a very nice person at all, all I can say is I’m glad I don’t have a friend like you that’s speaks to people I the way you do

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Original poster

RedFoxGirl · 04/04/2026 11:34

swingingbytheseat · 03/04/2026 23:05

She’s probably in a relationship that’s a bit weird

It definitely is that but if it makes her happy

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RoughGuide · 04/04/2026 11:48

RedFoxGirl · 04/04/2026 11:32

No because there has been other things which does actually point to that but I do want to know why you are constantly so rude every comment you have made on my post has been quite rude and you do not come across as a very nice person at all, all I can say is I’m glad I don’t have a friend like you that’s speaks to people I the way you do

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I haven’t been remotely rude on this thread. I suggested you gave your friend space and said that you having ‘a lot of anxiety and depression’ and this friend being your main emotional support was a lot of pressure for one relationship. You were the one imputing unpleasant motives to her silence, suggesting she wasn’t a real friend, that she was dumping you when something better came along, that she was more interested in her new boyfriend’s friends because they were rich!