About a year and a half ago I split up with my ex. Looking back, there were quite a few red flags I ignored at the time — I was a student and put a lot of the stress down to that, but in hindsight a lot of it was his behaviour.
The split itself was very difficult. We were living in a house in his name and it ended up going through lawyers because he was trying to say I was entitled to anything even though I contributed to the deposit and paid half the mortgage each month- it which was stressful. He also had issues with alcohol and drugs.
After we separated, he stayed in the house for around six months, while I had to move out with my son and stay with my mum. For that time my son and I were sharing a bed, which was tough. Financially he ended up in a much better position than me, and we lost a home and area we really loved.
I’ve also found his family quite difficult — I didn’t feel they really acknowledged his behaviour, so I’ve stepped back and don’t have much contact with them now. His sister used to post things on social media and make sure I couldn’t see them. I’ve since deleted her.
Even now after some time, I still find parts of it quite hard emotionally.
The issue I’m having is with a friend. The other day I mentioned that I didn’t really know what my son had been up to at his dad’s, and she said “oh I do, I saw on Facebook he was out for a Mother’s Day meal with his aunt.” Something about the way she said it really got to me — I think it was a mix of feeling left out and the fact she can see things about my son that I can’t. It hit a nerve given everything I’ve been through. I’ll admit I’ve gone a bit quiet with her since. I feel sometimes I get upset that after everything my ex did to me she didn’t delete him off social media.
I know she is also going through a breakup, but her situation is very different from mine. Her family was “complete” — she had finished having children — and her relationship ended amicably. Where as m grieving the family I thought I had. She doesn’t carry the same resentment or ongoing practical difficulties that I do. Sometimes when she talks about her experience, it makes me feel like my own feelings towards my ex are being questioned, even if she doesn’t intend that. This is the second fall out we’ve had since we became friends over 20 years ago.
Am I overreacting to feel upset about this, or is it understandable given my background?