Not relationship advice, I need to get it off my chest and didn't know what thread to use.
I'm single. And have been for 3 years. I was happy and content. I really became a new happier person after the first year had passed. I have 2 children. The 3 of us were living our best lives with no negativity, tension and moody attitudes. Their dad visited regularly we didn't want to cut each other out our lives, we both were civil for the needs of our children.
However since last year out of no where I was hit with major depressive disorder. I'm with a team for mental health and on medication. Constant bouts of crying, lacking confidence, no self worth with no idea where it came from.
The medication is making me feel somewhat better. And now it facing the thought of being alone forever, I obviously know I won't be potentially. I can't get back into dating due to time at work then being with the children. I have no support network. The father to the children has now moved on to a new relationship and relocated to a different city so as of the past 6 months sees them a few hours per month. I have one friend to vent to.
I had 2 casual sex encounters roughly 1 and a half years ago, it just made me feel disgusting about myself. On the rare occassions I've been hit on (when I was in a position to socialise) I've obviously mentioned children as I wouldn't want to mislead anyone, they have all been put off. I haven't had any official dates and of course I'm not in a rush to introduce anyone to my children but making time to build a connection with someone just isn't possible.
I love my children and would never not consider them. I'm just so lonely, I just want to be cuddled until I fall asleep, someone to make me feel safe. It's so pathetic. I just needed to get this out somewhere