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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Adult son took money from my account and has left home

10 replies

Stillhere72 · 24/03/2026 10:17

Hi all
Old member but had to create a new account (penis beaker). Never thought I’d be back here again.
Twice now I’ve had money taken from my account (£9 each time) for a food delivery company. Last year when it first happened, I contacted them and they told me the account was in my 21 yo DS son’s name . I asked him to remove my details and there was no drama at the time.
Then last weekend it happened again. I stayed calm and just asked if he’d used my bank details. He said no, and that it must be from when I gave them to him ages ago for a taxi. I just said OK and left it at that.
When he came home later, he barely acknowledged me, just a nod. I went to his room, knocked, and even apologised.
He then went into a full rage, shouting that I don’t trust him. I said I wouldn’t engage while he was shouting, and he said he was leaving. He packed a bag and went.
Since then, he’s been texting saying we haven’t had a relationship for years, that he can’t talk to me, and that he’s going to his dad’s. He has also told his dad and others that I threw him out, which isnt true , I never did any such thing. This has completely blindsided me.
Only last week I was running around helping him with Vinted parcels while I should have been working, and picking him up whenever he asked. I’ve also sent him money whenever he’s needed it. I’m a single parent, but I earn a good wage and have always tried to support him.
He’s also been saying he hates his uni friends (people he’s known for years), coming home smelling of weed, and I’ve seen him in a car with someone I believe is his dealer. I did mention it, but calmly.
He used to be so loving, and now he looks at me like he hates me. I feel absolutely devastated. It honestly feels like a part of me has died. I know that sounds dramatic, but I just want the pain to stop and to know if this relationship can be repaired.

TIA of any advice

OP posts:
Lizzbear · 24/03/2026 10:25

Oh I’m sorry op. This does sound hard.
It seems as if he’s going through something and you’re baring the brunt of it. Hopefully he will calm down and realise that you have been very supportive to him.
In the meantime, let him stay at his dad’s so you can have some time to reflect.
Hope it sort’s itself out.

ThirdStorm · 24/03/2026 11:41

Sounds tough. He's obviously going through something (triggered by the weed, disappointed by life, can't find meaning, depression?) and you are his scapegoat.

I think some timeout with his Dad might help him take stock. It's easier for him to blame you than take some responsibility. I'd give him some space. Maybe a text to confirm he is welcome back at yours but you respect he doesn't want that right now. Be clear on your boundaries though, don't be a walk over.

FlapperFlamingo · 24/03/2026 11:50

When you say he's taken money from your account, how has it been taken? I'm sorry if I misunderstand your post, but could it be that you had a Uber or Deliveroo account (or similar) with your card on and he's just used that app from his phone and it's gone to your linked card?

I suggest this as my DS used my uber account a few times like this and he didn't realise it went to my account not his (no problem for us, I was happy he wasn't drunk on the street) but it can happen inadvertently. Of course if he deliberately enters your card details in, rather than them being saved and him not realising, that is a different matter. Sorry you are going through this.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 24/03/2026 14:12

Could be that he accidentally saved your details to his phone and clicked the wrong card?

toottoot3 · 24/03/2026 15:48

You will not repair but reframe your relationship if you step back and let him fizzle out his anger. Trying to appease him or apologise for trying to sort your banking out is allowing him to treat you terribly.
Let him move in with dad.... Why not?
Any adult child moaning about how awful it is living with a parent, gets polite nods from people living in reality, rent/bills/responsibility.
Enjoy the peace and only engage in conversation which discusses boundaries

ForgottenPasswordNewAccount · 24/03/2026 15:49

Let him go

He is an adult

FiatLuxAdAstra · 24/03/2026 15:54

I’m a bit concerned. This sounds like a change of personality associated with using cannabis. Cannabis causes paranoia and if used too much leads to mental illness like psychosis. I would let his dad know about the weed and have a conversation about keeping an eye on DS. He may need some kind of intervention and substance abuse rehab.

Cyclebabble · 24/03/2026 17:44

Hi OP our DS stole quite a lot of money from us. He did so via DH's account forging a POA when he had LB dementia. When challenged he smiled and said, but Dad said it would be okay. When we removed the POA he made a false complaint to Social Services. He correctly anticipated we would not report him to the Police. Once there was no opportunity to get cash out of Dad he could all contact and we have not heard from him for sometime. I agree to an extent with previous posters that there is something wrong with anyone who takes cash from their own parents, but equally I would make sure he cannot do this on an ongoing basis. I did counselling after these events and one thing I learned is I cannot control what someone else does, but I can control the way I respond and what I accept.

Lmnop22 · 24/03/2026 21:39

You made quite a fuss over £18

LynetteScavo · 24/03/2026 22:13

If he’s known his uni friends for years, he must be well in to adult hood.

The £18 on food deliveries seems to be bothering you quite a bit. Is it that big a deal?

There must be more to this.

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