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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Will my adult dc ever grow up

31 replies

grinandslothit · 22/03/2026 22:05

I'm so distraught
I have 2 DC
DD age 43
DS age 36

Neither one of them work or have any interest in working

I'm retired and live in a tiny flat on a pension

They keep asking me for money. Last year I just stopped giving them any money at all. That doesn't stop them from asking

My son has been sleeping here on my floor about 2 months. Hell get up go panhandle for a few hours and comes back.
About 2 weeks ago, I gave him 30 days to move out.

I hope he leaves on his own but I'm a little concerned he won't

I keep hoping they'll grow up and get work and live normal lives

I just want my peaceful retired life back

OP posts:
LifeIsShambolic · 25/03/2026 06:24

4wardlooking · 23/03/2026 08:46

This is not going to happen, as no one wants to put their children on the streets. So a useless unhelpful suggestion.

@grinandslothit this is an awful situation for you and I have no idea how you can fix it. The only part in your control is not to give any financial help. They want money, they work for it. They don’t want to work, well they’ll have to get used to having no money. Don’t buy groceries for two, just yourself, aim for things you know he doesn’t like eating. I know it will be hard to do but you do need to toughen up and teach him work pays. He’s only 36, there is still time.

Show quote history

Only 36? only?
He is practically middle aged 🤣
He doesn't want to work (who does) so he is sleeping on his mother's floor....I don't see an epiphany and a complete change of lifestyle happening any time soon!

MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform · 25/03/2026 06:33

grinandslothit · 23/03/2026 00:52

They both have some type of benefits

Report them anonymously as not needing those benefits and refusing to work

Meadowfinch · 25/03/2026 06:34

HazelBite · 23/03/2026 06:42

This sort of situation is a lot more common nowadays than it was 40 or 50 years ago.
I have many people in my circle ( myself included) who have adult offspring still at home in their 30's for various reasons, I wonder if this is down to the lack of affordable housing both rented and owned.
For example a house that I used to rent on a single person's salary in the 70's was recently up for rent again at £2500 a month!
The lack of wanting to work is a separate issue however, and a lot of people ( especially if the are graduates) are not prepared to do jobs that they consider not "suitable"
However how they OP gets her adult DC'S to leave is beyond me it's not as easy as just saying go, unless you have been in that position you don't realise how difficult it is.

You've given your ds notice OP. If he doesn't leave, you book a locksmith, wait until he is out and change the locks.

I wouldn't tolerate such a lack of respect for long. They are grown adults, they are taking advantage and they are no longer your problem OP.

If they refuse to work at all then all the talk about cost of housing is just so much bull shit.

BooneyBeautiful · 25/03/2026 06:34

grinandslothit · 24/03/2026 23:34

Just to clarify further. The issue isn't that he can't find work or can't rent a place or can't afford a place.
The issue is he does not want to work he is not looking for work because he doesn't want to work. He has told me this.

Are you in the UK? If so, I assume he is claiming Universal Credit. His Work Coach would be making him look for work each week and applying for jobs. Is that what he is doing?

NoSchadenfreude · 25/03/2026 07:11

This sounds like such a stressful situation for you OP. My thinking would be that your son needs to face the consequences of his actions ie choose not to work, no money, very basic living, don’t provide anything for him at all, he needs to fend for himself. I can’t imagine as a Mum being in your situation but didn’t want to read and run x

RaininSummer · 25/03/2026 17:39

BooneyBeautiful · 25/03/2026 06:34

Are you in the UK? If so, I assume he is claiming Universal Credit. His Work Coach would be making him look for work each week and applying for jobs. Is that what he is doing?

Show quote history

Lazy beasts can apply for roles badly and waste employers time but if they are applying the work coach can't do a great deal. If he isn't then he will be getting sanctioned but he may not care about that either if he is being housed and fed.

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