Any help out there?

[whatthehellisgoingonhere]

Looking for some advice from mums that have perhaps been in the same situation.

been with partner 15 years. We have a toddler.
18 months ago he hit me, I stayed.
Today he threw me on to the floor after threatening me in front of our toddler.

I need to leave but he owns the house (always refused to add me to deeds) has me tied in to a phenomenal car finance under my name and I have not been able to save any money to escape. I’ve contributed to everything for this house but have claim to 0.
Has anyone else been in this situation?
I need to take my toddler with me and don’t feel safe leaving them here without me.

Go to a refuge via WA.

You need to just flee to friends or family or a shelter and then fight later about the house. Call Women’s Aid for some advice too, they can help.

The important thing is to just get out as soon as you can. If you stay, he will never get better and you’ll never be less trapped or be able to save up or get on the deeds

I just don’t know where this would be/how I could still access my job and them nursery and build a life for myself?

Your safety is of paramount concern here and neither you or your child are safe with him. Seek help
from family, friends and Women’s Aid to get away from your abuser safely.

This is a one step at a time situation @whatthehellisgoingonhere.
And the first and most important step is you and dc getting out and being safe.
Rebuilding your life is later and worrying about it now must not stop you from leaving.
Can you phone EITHER women's aid or a family member or friend that you can stay with now? Can you safely phone?
You have to leave as safely and swiftly as possible. Big hugs.

he’s said that I provoked him, I was being shitty because I wasn’t being listened to again and was trying to keep our child safe so I shouted (that’s when he threatened me the pushed me to the floor)
earlier that day I’d literally begged for a break as had been up all night unwell and was exhausted, which he refused to give me.
he’s now acting although nothing has happened.

how can I take my daughter from a beautiful home to a shelter, but I can’t leave her? I feel so trapped.
he’s trapped me financially and I feel such a fool

Darling the beautiful home is worth nothing if you're dead.
And your daughter would rather have a living mother than a dead mother and jailed father - and then the beautiful home would be no use to her anyway.
Leave! Please.

But it isn’t a beautiful home. Just weigh what you will be giving up with the fact that you are now in danger. Please go to a women’s refuge and be safe. They will be able to give you help and advice.

im Just so terrified of starting over, of taking everything away from my child. They love their dad and apart from today there’s never been an issue for them.

His parents were both there and they just let it happen - his dad used to physically abuse his mum. To them it’s normal. I felt so ashamed to be crying - like it is ok he reacted like that because I was being shitty right?

Have you left yet? You and your child's life are worth far more than this. Big girls pants on and out the door as soon as possible. Try to take important documents and contact women's aid.

All the best and big hugs.

You need to pack a bag for each of you and leave OP, as soon as it is safe to do so.

A beautiful house will be worth nothing to your daughter when she’s stood by her mother’s grave, or when he redirects his abuse and she is facing her own.

That is the brutal and awful reality of the situation. Your child needs to be safe, and so do you.

He grew up in abusive honestly and now he’s an abuser. Do you really want that cycle to continue for you DC? That they grow up thinking abuse is normal?
No nice home is worth the damage to their childhood and lasting influence on their entire lives.

Wait till its safe & leave with child
Contact WA
A big flash house is nothing if you are beaten.
Take photos of any bruises
Report to police.
There is no other option

https://womensaid.org.uk

i could not read this and run. Safety is paramount over a nice place to live. Please start talking to women’s aid so you can start a plan to leave. Also you need to call 999 next time he does this. His attacks are escalating ahd getting more dangerous. Please stay safe x

I left to a refuge some years ago and my DS.
Its better to start over as the cost to your mental well being to you and your DC is too great if you stay.

Here you can find a local refuge that may be able to assist you, also cover your search tracks so that your DP does not know what you are thinking of doing as that can put you in danger. Do not try and reason with your DP, get your paperwork in order, passports etc.

Women's Aid Directory - Women’s Aid

Starting over is hard, staying away from an abusive partner is hard as the cycle of abuse is addictive. Ask about the Freedom program in your area, your local refuge should know if this is being offered, otherwise someone on here may be able to give you a link to a free one?

But do not try and reason with him, or think that this will only be a one off. It never is a one off. He will always tell you what he knows you need to hear in order to keep you, then mess with your head further with confusing behavior, know your worth, and most of all, know that your DC has no choice in weather he stays in this upsetting scenario, so you will need to take good solid decissions that are in their best interest, not your partners.

Your little one is better off with a safe mum in a refuge than in a beautiful home with an abusive father. You need to leave to protect your daughter and yourself. The physical abuse will escalate and you are not safe.

What would you say to a friend if they told you that their partner has hit them and pushed them to the floor? You'd be horrified and tell them to leave. You deserve to be safe and free from abuse, so do it for yourself.

You're paying towards a home that you don't own - that he could throw you out of any time he likes. You have no financial stability living here.

Living in a refuge for a period of time is not a bad thing, if it means being safe. You will be supported to plan and build a new life for yourself and access services to help you process the emotional and mental trauma you have suffered.

Please get in touch with Women's Aid. And if you can get some support from family and friends, reach out - take all the help and support you can 💐

His parents were there, saw him threaten you and throw you to the floor and they did nothing? How horrible for you, especially if your child saw it happen. The sooner you get away from him the better.

You won’t have a job to go to or have to worry about nursery runs if you’re dead.

Go and report the assault to the police.

Ring women’s aid.

Talk to your friends and family so there’s no going back.

someone will put you up for now.

If you stay this will continue and your children will think this is normal life. Leave for them.

You’re not taking everything away from your child. You’re saving her from a life of witnessing toxic awful abuse and potentially being at the receiving end of it.

Every day you stay is another day closer to your daughter thinking abuse is normal and it will affect every relationship she goes on to have.

The house, the car, the money mean nothing.

Leave.