Leaving verbally abusive partner, how to stay safe until solicitor appointment?

[Finallydefinitelyleaving]

My long term DP (and father of our dc) is verbally abusive. He has never touched me when angry but threatens, kicks things, throws things, punches doors etc. He's really controlling, he takes my keys phone and stops me from leaving the house when he's angry. I have voice recordings proving this.

He blames me for his anger, for 'not respecting' him.

After a very bad incident this week, I have realised I can't do this anymore. Ideally, he would leave the house but he won't go without a fight or a court order. I have no family or friends I could go to, he has isolated me from everyone.

I see a solicitor in 10 days and will have a better idea of my position and options then. How do I handle things until then though? He was very passive aggressive this morning before changing his tune this evening and saying he doesn't want to separate.

Should I pretend everything is OK and I want to be with him? Ill avoid him as much as possible.

Do I have any chance of forcing him out of the house when the abuse is verbal only and not physical?

Any advice is appreciated.

Police or women's aid so they can do a risk assessment?

Taking your keys etc is coercive control and against the law.

I would suggest to start hoaring money if you can. If you can't but vouchers at Tescos which mean you will have treat days.

Is your house rented?

I would definitely suggest being your calm self. Get the plans into place and then move. I wish you the best of luck.

I'm going to do a webchat with womensaid on Monday when I am out of the house.
I haven't contacted police because he makes me doubt everything by blaming it all on me.

Call women’s aid and ask them how to stay safe as a first priority. You are being “gaslit” - his anger has nothing to do with you or your behaviour. It is his responsibility

Thanks.

It's jointly owned with joint mortgage.
He can't afford to buy me out and I thinkbthat if I move out, he will be in a stronger position to not be forced to sell, which is why I am hanging on until I have legal advice.

Is there really no friends or family you could reach out to? Knowing the circumstances I am sure people would understand

I left an abusive relationship and talking in real life really help me

You can ask your child's school or nursery for help if you feel that you are in immediate danger. They will call the police for you and keep you safe until they get there.

After a very bad incident this week,
How bad?
What happened?

You need to report it to police
They can arrest him and tell him to keep away.

But on amy case tell solicitor everything
You need to be prepared to leave house and calll 999
Is there somewhere you could go to be safe? Family friends? How many dc and how old?

Report all this to Police you can do this on their website . An officer will call you to discuss. Keep a log of incidents and dates of controlling behaviour and backdate all his previous incidents. You need a non-molestation order and an Occupation Order to remove him from your home. Look on Womens Aid website for more info. Also google Domestic Abuse Act 2021 it explains everything which covers DA and the DA definition. Coercive controlling behaviour is a crime now. He doesn't have to physically hurt you. Wish you well

Hiya. If he is taking your keys, get another set cut and get a prepaid “burner” phone and store important numbers in it. Hide these somewhere (in a box of tampons or something)

The short version would be:

• made me get out of the car and walk home when we were going somewhere. Told me he will do this again in future.
• stopped me from working by saying he would break my work laptop
• started another argument that evening and threw things. I tried to leave the house to avoid him. He blocked me from leaving, took my car keys, took my phone, took my Dcs phone when I tried to use that to ring for help. Followed me round the house so its impossible to escape or have a hidden phone. We have no neighbours so no one that could overhear and call for help.

All because I 'don't respect' him.

He follows me around so its impossible to leave or call for help in the moment.

Thanks to those who highlighted that coercive control is a crime. There's definitely a lot of that going on.

So next time he makes you get out of car you walk to nearest house/shop/garage ,and call 999.
Have you logs or diary of his behavioyr?
Text messages?
Who takes kids to school?
Go into school ask to speak to safeguarding lead and tell them everything they will support you to get help from local services
You must disclose everything To get the suppirt

The danger is you have mentioned separation right?
So you are not safe for next 10 days.
Do nothing tomorrow say nothing but monday go into school and or police station and report share the recordings sand if you can, take with you passports etc.
Frankly you need to get you and dc away pronto

This is the problem, I think i need to say I have changed my mind and try to play happy families while avoiding him as much as possible.
I can and will go to the police on Monday.
Thanks for all your advice on your posts.

Please be very aware that the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you leave. Women's Aid is definitely the agency to talk to first. Good luck OP

Sadly verbally abusive men can become physicaly abusive. So stay alert and avoid him as much as you can.