Partner buying explicit photos from women online: cheating or porn equivalent?

[BB333]

Is it cheating?
keen to get people’s views. The other day I found out that my partner has, on occasion, brought explicit pictures of woman off eBay that he had asked for.
he admitted to doing this before we were together, but I assumed he had stopped since we’ve been together (4 years).
I haven’t confronted him about it because I’m not sure how I feel about it. He’s not physically been with anyone else I’m certain of that. And the emails to the woman he’s asked the pictures from have been a bit flirty but that’s about it. I am upset about it, but I think that’s just because he’s always banging on about money, yet has money to buy these pictures. Also, all the woman are blonde, and I’m not.
part of me wants to go in all guns blazing and kick him out, but then the other part of me is wondering if this is any different to watching porn? Or getting pictures off of Only Fans?
but then I don’t want to be walked all over and for him to keep doing it as it doesn’t make me feel nice. But then I don’t think I’m willing to break up an otherwise happy relationship over it. I’m going round in circles.

The rot has set in.

why are you with him?

If he'd been messaging the woman who works in the Coop (or quite literally ANYONE else) and asking for nudes, would this be cheating?
Of course.

Quite why its no longer cheating because he transferred her some money before she sent the pic, I don't know.

The internet, on tap porn, and this weird new world where you can get instant sexual gratification in whatever form you like, whenever you like, just by paying for it, has just fucked it for a lot of relationships.
We're not wired for this.
I hate the internet.

This would give me the ICK and I never use that word.

I didnt even know you could buy photos from women on Ebay, I know its besides the point but why does he have to pay for them when you get them online for free, what else is he getting out of it? It makes no sense. Are these women a lot younger?

I couldn't get past it, I wouldn't trust him.

Good for you. Definitely keep that anger for now. He doesn’t deserve anything less. Use the anger to do what you need to do. Kick his sorry ass out.

I wouldn't fixate on 'cheating'.

There's having an affair and then there's adulterous behaviour. This is somewhere between adulterous behaviour and an affair because I bet if he had more money, he'd be spending more & more on her and their chats would start becoming more complicated.

Even women who are ok with porn would draw a line at this, since it's gone beyond consuming set media to interacting with another woman and requesting bespoke things. That's why so many women have an issue with OnlyFans.

I think you need to realise that monogamy doesn't mean the same thing for you as it does for him, or rather (more likely), he expects you to be fully loyal & monogamous whilst he engages in digital polyamory. And he never had that discussion with you.....did he.

Men would have cheated before in brothels. I don't know how widespread that was, but I suspect that it was higher than we'd like to imagine.

For a while I think it became socially more taboo, and then the internet age especially social media has simply brought the brothel into everybody's homes, into every man's hand.

I know 😞 that's what I mean though

They don't even have to leave their rooms now to satisfy literally any repulsive itch they might have.
And do it all covertly.
Well, not in the case of the OP.

Just get rid of him. How you could ever stay with someone who is literally paying money to see someone else's fanny. It's really not ok.

I would consider it cheating. I'd leave my partner over this. If it's unacceptable for you OP, then absolutely leave him, you deserve better.

See I look at it this way,,
What attracts me to a man.
It's his utter loyalty to me first, I don't want a man who pays for other womens pictures, I don't want a man that uses Fabswingers / pornhub/ adult work.
I absolutely get the ick straight away.
Know your boundaries.
There are men who do not do these things, find one and love them.

And also, how cannot it give you the absolute ick when he tries to touch you?
I had one of these men and it was instant loss of desire for him as soon as I saw what he was looking at.
You deserve a completely loyal man, or what's the point of a loving trusting relationship?

Its the tip of the iceberg on cheating.

Thanks everyone. Told him what I know. He was incredibly sorry, to the point he fell on his knees and begged for forgiveness …. Which gave me an even bigger Ick! Didn’t think it could get bigger. We do live together, but both work so have some financial independence. I’ve asked him to leave at least for the time being, which he agreed to.

Completely misssing the point here but it's a bit weird paying for photos when you can literally get porn for free on tap, I don't understand why you'd pay for pictures?? My husband watches porn, I don't have a problem with it, I also watch it flying solo, I think you are quite detached watching a pre-recorded video online (for free). Communicating with someone online crosses the line though for me, even if it is just to send photos.

Has he always been one for the amateur dramatics? He sounds very manipulative.

It is weird yes when so much is available free. It's the personal connection that will be giving a thrill as opposed to general porn.

It’s not cheating but I would lose all respect for anyone who did this/used porn/ etc.

If he's your partner then surely you have joint finances?
I'd be more bothered about him spending your joint money on this seedy activity than the "cheating".
Personally I'd be packing his bags for him....

I would see this as cheating personally. When you’re actually interacting with the person you find attractive and paying for elicit images of them or sexual interactions with them I think it’s cheating. If I was messaging Matt from accounts asking for pictures of his nob that would be cheating. Just because this is a monetary transaction with a sex worker makes it no less cheating, but way more icky.

The fake “I’m sorry “ how pathetic .
He wasn’t sorry for hurting you . Sorry he was caught and his comfy life would be no more.