Getting in touch with ex a few weeks after breakup

[Sometimesthere]

Has anyone ever had anything good come out of contacting an ex soon after a breakup, maybe 3-4 weeks down the line? He broke up with me due to his own fears around commitment but the day to day of our relationship was good. It was me that requested no contact as I felt I needed that to heal however I also feel I’m now missing some closure.

I’d like to call him to arrange a walk or similar (in a neutral public place!) to give back a bag of things I have of his, check in on how he’s is (I’m genuinely very concerned about his wellbeing and lack of local support network) and just generally have calm conversation with him. We are not really the arguing type so it wouldn’t be heated but may be emotional.

We broke up with a lot of love for each other still there.

No good will come of this. He’s an ex for good reasons. Find someone ready to commit.

Don’t do it. He’s the one that broke up with you.

Post his stuff and keep moving forwards not backwards. You will be ok in time 💐

I know you’re most probably both right.

it happened a couple of weeks ago during a period of intense external stress for both of us and I think that’s jus making me want closure. I’m craving either a more postive end where we are both more ourselves or a reconnection I think.

Sorry to be blunt, but he broke up with you because he doesn’t want to commit to you. The stressful situation isn’t a factor for breaking up, but you are using it as a good excuse to get in touch.

If you contacted him all you would be doing is prolonging the agony.

If there’s contact, it’s GOT to be from him.

I know how hard it is, I really do, but give it more time and you will really see it for what it is 💐

He broke up with you. Send his stuff back to him in the post if necessary and move on.

I went back 3 times and reconnected us. He promised change etc - 3 days ago we had a small argument and he told me to leave him alone - not heard from him since.. dont do it. It will not make it any better. If he wanted his stuff he would of got it - im sending my sis to get my stuff at one point because its not ok how I have been treated and its not ok for you to be treated like this either

Sadly you won't get either and you'll feel angry with yourself for opening up to more pain

This. It will be like picking at a scab thats just formed.

Yes but it was him getting back in touch.

Don't meet up. He will of course contact you at some point potentially when he realises what a dick he has been.
I suggest when he does contact you, that you say it as you mean it. I have found that saying it like it was, certainly gives closure.

I’m deeply suspicious of anyone who ends a relationship because they have a fear of commitment. I think it’s a very easy way of saying that you don’t want to be with someone anymore, but you don’t want to be completely honest with them and just say that, because it will make you feel guilty. It’s the modern day equivalent of ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. The person doesn’t fear commitment. They fear commitment to the person they’re breaking up with.

Why are you looking for closure from a man who claims he loves you, but who still left you? He’s never going to give that to you. Even if he agrees to it (and I wouldn’t want to meet up with an ex I’d just broken things off with) he’s only ever going to tell you he loves you but needs to be by himself. He’s not going to be honest and tell you what you need to hear. I know I sound really harsh, but I’ve been where you are and I promise you that nothing good will come from meeting up with him. A very sensible friend of mine told me that if he loved you, truly loved you, wild horses wouldn’t have been able to drag him away. And she was right. And so, so soon after he’s done it? A PP was right, it would be like picking a fresh scab.

Closure like you're talking about is a myth.

Having a conversation with him will not heal the pain that he broke up with you. You don't have unfinished business. Going back for a talk or taking him his things is just a way of you holding on to him. You're not done. If you were, you'd be leaving him in your rear view mirror.

Your focus needs to be on you and healing because he rejected you for his own reasons.

Fear of commitment is the lie. The truth is he wasn’t that into you. Is that a conversation you’re desperate to have twice?

I think you’re hoping he’s changed his mind if you’re honest and no good will come if it as he didn’t want to commit. That’s all the closure you need x

Breaking up is always a probem and taking time out and giving each other space.

Throw stuff or give it away and move on, have no contact. Early days and things are still raw but you will survive and meet someone else in time.

Don’t contact him again. You need to delete his number, remove yourself from his social media and post his stuff back to him. He’s told you he doesn’t want to commit and you have to accept it.

In a few weeks or months you’ll be able to see that he’s emotionally unavailable. He doesn’t want real commitment, can’t deal with stress and has few friends. You deserve better than this.