How to not think about my disappointment in men and relationships?

[Calmscent]

With the 'Manosphere' playing in the background (figuratively) along the Mr Nice Guy's hurt ego, how can I as a single woman in my 40s let go of my disappointment in men and that I'll likely never have another long term intimate relationship?

How can I ever come to terms with, yes I am responsible for my choices, but the patriarchy has damaged so much of what I thought/hoped for my life.

Ongoing healing from trauma - DV, SA, rape, misogyny, uprooting myself geographically, self-harming behaviours. My focus right now is very much on therapy, inner work, meds, self care, DC, home and work.

I'm still waiting for answers or resolutions I may never get. It's not that I'm ungrateful for all the good in my life. I just feel like I really dislike most men and the women who knowingly or unknowingly advocate for misogynistic men. I just feel disappointed, I guess.

Didn’t want to read and not respond. I think you have your own answer right there…
You said “ my focus right now is very much on therapy, inner work, meds, self care, DC, home and work.”

Therapy for yourself and prioritising the children is what you need in the short to medium term.
I did not have experiences as bad as yours but still a lot of hurt and I am fairly wary of men now. I met someone lovely in my mid 50s but also value my time without him, seeing friends etc. There is no rush.

Why do you still want a long term intimate relationship with a man? Do you actually want one , or is it because that’s what you should want (as a woman)?

If you really want one, you’ll just have to take the plunge (once you’ve healed , learned to love yourself and your own company) and set high standards and non negotiables and hope you’ll find a man that ticks all the boxes.

I said a long time ago that if anything were to happen to OH , I would never actually live with another man.

It is not the ego of Mr Nice Guy that is damaged by the Manosphere programme I think you are referring to. The kind of missing man the programme talks about is a man who can be loving, caring and nurturing and for that to be masculine and strong instead of it being viewed as feminine and weak. We exist. We dont want anything for the way we are, we are not nice to "get something". We are kind because we simply are.

As for your other issues, I decided that as a loving, caring and nurturing man I would be true to myself and if a woman came along that could understand that (and in 20 years there hasn't been one) then that would be a bonus.

I suggest you find peace.in yourself if you want to be happy.

^ This.

Some men are love personified. Emotionally mature and intelligent. Women who enable male misogynistic traits cannot handle them.

If you want a relationship then focus on yourself and the right one will come along.

However if you feel strongly against all men dont bow to pressure to be in a relationship with one.

There are good kind men out there, who are masculine and strong, want to talk about emotions, hug you when your sad and passionate in bed....I promise!

🥰